Blessings Bonanza!

Exciting things have happened in the past couple of weeks.  I've felt too disorganized and scattered to have a coherent thought to write, but, praise God, progress is being made and I have a few moments to breathe once again. 

In the past two weeks I finished my work at Lutheran Social Service, spoke at area churches with Kirk, completed our packing for Haiti, attended the funeral for the father of a dear friend, left on a family vacation with the Vander Pol clan to St. Louis, stopped on our way home from St. Louis to load the shipping container in Orange City, hung out with the Vande Lune's for the afternoon, picked up my brother's kids in Sioux Center to bring to Prinsburg (whom we have not seen in a year while they were in England), and returned home.  Whew!  We now need to focus on finishing packing for storage and selling the house!  We hope to buy plane tickets this week and then have a final date for departure!

Fund-raising efforts are going well.  Currently we are at about $35,000 of the $50,000 we need!  Praise God for his provision!  It remains scary and exciting to trust Him in delivering just what we need at just the right time...

In all the busyness there have been so many blessings!  I'd like to recount just a few because I really am so grateful even though the blessings are whizzing by in the chaos of our day to day.

Friends and strangers alike continue to offer words of encouragement and offers for prayer when they ask about our on-going plans.  We've also had offers for meals and childcare, and "how can I help".  It remains an encouragement to experience the love of Christ in such a tangible way!

Our small group got together two week ago and surprised us with a HUGE tote of favorite foods and snacks to send on the shipping container!  There were a few tears as the realization sets in that we are actually moving on, and leaving behind really great friends and supports.  I also am aware of how hard it is to be losing friends over and over again, especially for those who remain anchors in our church family -- people who continue to risk friendship with those who end up being called elsewhere.  It's not an easy thing to be the one who always stays and remains the stable force.  We are really grateful for these kinds of friends and what they have put into our lives.  They have been, and are such a blessing to us, and we'll really miss our times of laughter, tears, and prayer.

My mom has begun to voice how hard it is going to be for us to leave.  We've been neighbors for a number of years now and the comfort of availability is about to disappear.  They boys have popped in for tea (or milk or eggs or pancake syrup or whatever we're out of), climbed their trees, and dug trenches in thier yard for years, so she's going to miss us, and we're going to miss her and my dad, tremendously.  So we drowned our sorrows in some therapeutic shopping with mom footing the bill.  Hey, I'm a therapist -- I charge by the hour.  Ha Ha Ha!  : )  I'm making it out to be a little more exciting that it was since it was basically $300 worth of toiletries, bug spray, and "last minute" items to get on the shipping container, but it was really a gift to be able to stock up on things ahead of time and get them sent in the container instead of sent a more expensive way.

Another blessing was my Aunt Jewel's willingness to re-cover some couch cushions.  We didn't send the couch because it was too worn, but I thought the cushions could still be useful so I enlisted her help in redoing them.  She jumped right in offering up her upholstery fabric and batting and did it all without charging me a dime.  Two days and many hours later I have beautiful new cushions with some extra pillows to make a couch with when we get to Haiti.  She does beautiful work and has a generous heart.

Friends gave us a moving kit they bought and ended up not using.  I think of them EVERY time I assemble a new box.  How helpful it has been to have uniform size boxes!

Another friend not only offered me her farm produce but picked and delivered it when I was too swamped with out jobs!
Then there are the donations that have been rolling in!  We've had someone come up to Kirk saying he could only give $20/month and "since it's not very much and he's on a fixed income, would that be enough to bother giving?"  Yes!  That is extremely generous!!!  Humbled!!!  There have been family members who have written checks with meaningful words of encouragement and church and community members who have jumped in with support.  To God be the Glory!  We've also had a couple of businesses commit to on-going support because they chose to give charitably from their business profits and like what they see happening with us at Children of the Promise.  We're really grateful for all of these.  We know in each case, the dollars really belong to the Lord and the gifts are given out of obedience to God's management of resources.  We are really thankful to be witnessing up close how his resources bless and move others.  It's a gift to be seeing it so personally!

Two weeks ago when we were gathering final items for the container, I came up with a short list of things that would be nice to pack.  Not needs, but wants.  Someone encouraged me just to put the items out there on facebook so others could know how to help, so I did.  One of my small group friends responded almost immediately to give me her mixer and brought it right over.  She later offered to buy me a brand new one, as did others, but I just wanted a mixer - new was not necessary!  Someone I have only recently met on fb due to our common adoption experience offered to send me a new set of Corelle to go with my older set.  She ordered them and sent them that same day and I was able to include them in the packing!  New 2 You also made donations of silverware and dishes -- all things to make our time in Haiti more comfortable.  How amazing to be blessed and cared for by the family of God!

I really hope I am not forgetting anyone because I have been so thankful for the many ways God is using others to make this Haiti time happen.

Wait!  I am forgetting someone(s)!!!  Evan TeBrake has spent weeks organizing donations from the Willmar area to be shipped on the container, and no small fish, either!  He made the contacts and arrangements and picked up a load of plywood, a Bobcat, and more!  He's just going into 11th grade, but has the heart and work ethic of a grown man.  Then to top it off, he and Nick Daugherty picked up our packed boxes while we were on vacation, drove them to Orange City, helped stage and then load the container.  Those are some amazing boys, and I've been so blessed by them. 

BTW young ladies, just a heads up: these are the kind of young men you should be watching for marriage partners.  I cannot speak to thier popularity or sports prowess but I can say they are the kind of dependable, hard working, smart, funny, God-seeking fellows you'd be lucky to snag some day.  You've got a few years before their through school and ready for the marriage scene, but don't say I didn't tell you so if you let them get away!!!

I'm getting a little better at asking for things that can bless my family as we seek to serve the Lord in Haiti, so I was hoping I could ask for prayer for a few things are we come into the final month of preparations.

• Pray that we will remain in good physical and mental health as we prepare for the move.
• Pray that our house sells to the person/people God wishes to bless in this home.
• Pray that God will be preparing new friends for us and especially for our boys, in Haiti.
• Pray that God will plan excitement in the hearts of our boys, despite their sadness at leaving familiar friends, family, and surroundings.
• Pray for our daughters as we'll soon be a family and for that transition to go as smoothly as possible.
• Pray for our family and friends as they adjust to our newly defined relationships, as well.

Thanks to each of you who read this and support my family emotionally and spiritually!  I'm so blessed.



Elijah by the shipping co



The kids entertaining themselves with chairs waiting to be loaded.

Packing the container.

The work crew: Kirk, Evan, Nick, Robb, and Robb's Dad.

... And Thank You for Your Support.

A number of people have asked about our fund-raising efforts.  We have recently begun speaking in our area churches and are going to send out support letters to friends and family soon.  We sincerely hope no one feels pressured or obligated to give, and we certainly don't want to bother or burden others, but we do want to offer you the opportunity to join in this great God thing that is happening in our lives.

As I have mentioned before, asking for money is not something I enjoy doing, but it is another area in which God is stretching me to have faith in his provisions and stop relying on my own plans for success.  I think of it as a "painful blessing" -- there is pain in the stretch of growth, but the blessing is becoming closer to the Lord.  It's the intimacy with God that allows me to feel certain amidst uncertainty.

I've noticed a parallel between what I have learned about attachment and how I grow in my relationship with God. A simplified definition of a healthy child is one who is best bonded to their caregiver.  The caregiver provides the grounding for this healthy relationship through their stable, consistent, loving presence.  The child comes into the relationship helpless and dependant on the parent's care and slowly learns to respond and interact, based on the caregiver's capacity (and other factors such as environment, experience, temperament, etc.)  Parents are imperfect and kids are sometimes difficult.  Sometimes situations are muddled and things get in the way of healthy attachment.  But with God, he is always stable, loving, good, and just.  The more I respond to his direction and discipline, the healthier and happier I am.  When I kick and scream and rebel, God doesn't misbehave in return; he waits and guides me to return to the path of intimacy with him.

So this asking for support thing is yet another example of how he is nudging me to grow in relationship and intimacy with him.  Do I really trust him to "pay up" and take care of everything material I need along the way?  Even the plane tickets and health insurance needed before we can move forward?  Of course I know the Bible passage that tells me not to worry about what I will eat or drink or wear, and how he cares for sparrow and me,  but living that knowledge is challenging.  I get caught up in all the needs and wants and things I think I need to do to be happy and secure.  How easily I forget that my happiness is directly linked to my secure attachment to my heavenly father... perhaps you sometimes feel the same.

That being said, I am excited for the journey the Lord is taking my family, and how he is giving me all I need along the way.

Some of what the support letter says will be review, but I do ask you take a minute to think about if our ministry in Haiti is something God is stirring you to be a part of.  If so, would you like to pray for us or support us financially?  We need both.  We can't do it on our own because it's about relationship.  We would love to share this God-journey with you!

__________________________________________________________

           

 MAY 2012

Greetings dear friends and family,

As you read this letter, lists are being made, “FOR SALE” is on the lawn, and boxes are in the garage in anticipation of a big life change! We’re moving to Haiti and we are asking you to partner with us as we respond to God’s leading into a new chapter of our lives!

Why Haiti, and Why Now?

Missions and outreach have always been an important theme in our lives – even before we married we agreed that overseas work was part of our calling as a family, but we didn't know when.  Last June Kirk organized a trip to serve at Children of the Promise in Haiti.   What began as a plan for one mixed age 10-day trip, turned into three 10-day trips, back-to-back, with Christina and the boys going along and staying for the duration, as Kirk led each incoming group. The interest and support of this endeavor was over-whelming and our teams were able to be a blessing to those going, those receiving our care, and to the home community upon hearing of God’s great work in hearts and minds.

God was also beginning a work in our hearts and minds.  Not long after returning home we felt drawn to adopt two beautiful children from COTP.  How this came to be and the surprises along the way is a story unto itself (read the full story at www.theprovokedlife.blogspot.com), but suffice it to say, it was one of the steps in the path God was using to draw us to Haiti. We remain in the process of completing these adoptions, but will be able to have the girls as part of our family once we move to Haiti, much sooner than would be possible if we remained stateside.

In the months that followed the trip, first Kirk, and then Christina began to have a sense God was calling us to something more.  We began to have conversations with the directors of COTP who informed us of their desire to have our set of gifts at work for COTP.   While COTP had become excellent at providing physical healing for very needy infants, leadership was beginning to understand more of the emotional, social, and psychological needs of the babies in their care.  This knowledge led to a decision to develop a new standard for orphan care in Haiti.

Presently, while in process of change, infants at COTP are housed in one main baby house with individual rooms and caregivers for each age group.  While this model allows for streamlined care and has generally provided well for physical needs, flaws in emotional care have been revealed.  COTP has been eager to remedy this in order to provide the best care possible to these little ones; care that even better reflects the relational nature in which our Creator has so fashioned us.  Our relational nature requires consistent care by predictable caregivers where emotional and social needs are most likely to be attended to, and healthy attachment is made possible.  This is better care for both those babies returning to their families of origin, as well as babies being adopted.  The new model will allow for individual baby houses of mixed ages, with care provided by a stable team of house parents and nannies. 

Work has already begun in the construction of these new homes, however additional leadership will be needed in developing the policies and procedures surrounding mental health and the new model of care.  Guidance for caregivers in how to best optimize healthy attachment with these precious little ones, teaching the importance of self-care for providers, and helping to trouble shoot where adaptive behaviors indicate difficulties with attachment, will also be addressed.

Besides the mental health piece, on-going construction and supervision of new staff coming to parent in the baby homes, are areas that require oversight. 

So here's where we come in!  Our pairing of gifts and talents seems to be a great fit for the needs that exist at COTP right now!  Christina has her Master's in Counseling Psychology and for the past couple of years, has begun training and practice in the field of Infant Mental Health.  She has access to wonderful resources and people who are willing to consult along the way as an infant mental health program is built from the ground up.

Kirk has experience in numerous areas that will be helpful including administration, staff oversight, and construction management. The changes under way at COTP will involve building and remodeling structures gradually over the next three years to accommodate new staff and programs, and Kirk's skills in planning and implementing these projects will be a tremendous asset.
The current staff are tireless, dedicated workers, but are stretched to their limits managing the current programs, so for COTP to make these wonderful improvements, additional staff are needed.
So to answer the question “Why Haiti?  Why Now?”  Haiti has begun to take root in us during the past year, and we are at the exact point in our lives where our skills and experiences meet the needs for service there.  But above all, God has planted a passion for Haiti in our hearts, and it is growing into the mature plant he is nurturing it to be!  We respond now, because we believe we are being called now.

What is it going to take to make this happen?

We hope to move the end of August (2012).  We are committing to a two year term in order to provide consistency during the transition to a new standard of care; however we may be willing and able to serve for a longer time period.
  
We have numerous needs for which we are seeking support from our community.  It has been a tremendous blessing to have words of encouragement and promises of prayer.  These things will boost our morale during tough days and seasons, and will be our lifeline to the Father, as you petition on our behalf.  We deeply desire your partnership in this way to sustain us.

To cover our financial needs we are seeking donations to cover our expenses. We estimate that it will cost approximately $50,000 per year for our family of 6. This includes food, lodging, health insurance, travel, and schooling.  (We would be happy to provide our financial statement upon request.)

We are hoping for various levels of support--one time donations, annual gifts, and monthly support.  50 households supporting us at $84 per month would cover all our expenses, but there are lots of ways this can happen and we’re waiting on God to see how He works all that out.

If helping to fund our service at Children of the Promise is something you are led to do, donations can be made directly to COTP, and are tax deductible.  As with most charitable giving, our names should not appear anywhere on the check-simply write a note or post-it indicating how you request your gift be used.  In this tech-savvy era, we plan to have our fund-raising progress updated on-line to keep our supporters informed of our fund raising progress.  If this interests you, be sure to give us your e-mail address, so we can provide you with a link to our financial information.

We are humbled and filled with joy to be on this faith journey and are grateful to God for allowing us to share this experience with his people both here and in Haiti.  Thanks for taking the time to hear how God is leading us!

Most Sincerely, 

The Vander Pol's
__________________________________________________________________
Donation for our fund-raising can be sent to:

Children of the Promise                    OR                             via on-line donation @ www.childrenofthepromise.org

P.O. Box 123

Prinsburg, MN 56281

Please indicate on the letter or with a post-it note on your check who you are designating the gift for.  If you would prefer to receive a donation letter and response card by mail for on-going support,  please contact us directly at:

The Vander Pol's                        OR                          via e-mail @ kirkvanderpol@gmail.com

501 Minnesota Ave.

Prinsburg, MN 56281

Pass the Salt, Please

This past Sunday was our first "fund-raising Sunday".  We had the opportunity to share about our plans and how we believe God is leading us to Haiti, at Willmar Christian Reformed Church where Kirk is employed as Youth Pastor.  (Technically he is employed by both Willmar CRC and Unity CRC in Prinsburg, but the youth facility is in Willmar.)  I was able to share with the church how sometimes when we keep ourselves comfortably rooted in one place, believing we are "doing our part" or being self-satisfied with our own religiosity, God may nudge us to grow, as he has with me. 

Oh how I have loved my convenient life here in rural MN, in the heartland of the wealthiest nation on earth -- a magical world where grocery lines are short, roads are smooth and wide as I ride in my choice of two vehicles, my house has cushioned floors, my clothes bear the scent of spring rain, and the temperature of my home is effortlessly controlled for comfort.  I live in a neighborhood where young children roam freely without fear and their greatest sadness is bidding farewell to a lumpy pet toad.  Women pin clothes under clear skies by 7 AM and the aroma of fresh-baked goodness wafts from sparkling windows.  The music of birdsong is like that of a forest preserve and a rumble of thunder is the only noise to break night's silent blanket of peace. 

"Women pin clothes under clear skies by 7 AM and the aroma of fresh-baked goodness wafts from sparkling windows. The music of birdsong is like that of a forest preserve and a rumble of thunder is the only noise to break night's silent blanket of peace."

This too-good-to-be-true image, is in fact, part of my actual life.  Of course, I occasionally get an inept cashier, I have to vacuum my comfortable carpets,  my vehicles' total worth is around  $4,000 and not entirely reliable, and sun-bleached laundry sometimes gets pooped on, but the reality is, my life is cushy!  Even with the deep challenges I have faced within our family unit during the last year, I practically live in nirvana!  Oh there are people with needs not too far from the outskirts of my peaceful kingdom, but it takes effort to mingle with those outsiders.  My day to day is filled with maintaining my castle and grounds, and rubbing shoulders with the local aristocracy.  It's all very convenient.

I have noticed that like schools of fish, we, and I mean, "we Christians", tend to stay in safe groups with notions of "protecting our children" (and maybe ourselves) from the dangers of worldly influences, and we keep the messiness of the outside at arm's length. In our comfortable homes with tidy yards we remain safely numb to real need. 

Now let me be clear that I love my community and the people of it -- so many are good, honest, loving, giving people.  I have personally been the recipient of grace, generosity, and earnest prayer from these folks, and have grown in faith and maturity while experiencing fellowship with many of these people.

Kirk has challenged me with this: how do I act as the salt and light Jesus talks about in Matthew 5 when I'm so close to all this other great seasoning?  Isn't it kind of selfish of me to enjoy all this flavoring to myself and not use it as Jesus talks about when he said we're "to be the salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth"?  How does where I live and who I rub shoulders with affect my ability to bring the "God-flavors" to those who haven't yet experienced Him?  Am I running the risk of losing my saltiness and being worthy of nothing more than the garbage?

So this is how I started to feel stretched, how I began to feel my roots crowding, and how I started to attend to God's patient beckoning and the hunger he was growing inside of me. With all these thoughts as the background for our decision to move, I tried to hand my pride over to the Lord (again) and told the church we needed their financial partnership to make this thing happen, and asked for prayer. 

Following the church service there was a potluck dinner.  While Kirk and I were sitting talking with our table mates, this guy walks up to Kirk and said, "hey, if we want to give something to your Haiti thing, how do we do it?  Can I just give it to you?"  I had never seen the man before.  Kirk told him we would get the money to the right place and accepted a small bundle of bills.  He asked if the man wanted a tax donation receipt, but he said, "no", and wished us God's blessings on our plans.  I said thanks, asked the man his name, and, I'm embarrassed to say, promptly forgot nearly as soon as he away.  I assumed it was a little wad of 1's, and in my heart said a quick thanks -- thanks for how this small gift was again confirmation of God's blessing over our endeavor. 

Later that afternoon, I overheard Kirk saying something to the boys about a cool thing happening today - that a man had come up to him after church and given $140.00  How cool is that? Not just a little bundle of 1's but a bundle of 20's -- $140.00! 

Once again, God teaches me not to underestimate his ability and desire to provide for all I need and more.  Success is not dependant on me and all that I have to offer.  It is all about him and what he has to offer.  He takes joy in inviting me to be a part of his amazing plan and gives joy when I participate in it.  He allowed a "stranger" in on it to bless us beyond the dollars, and will use me, too for building his kingdom, encouraging his people, and being the God-flavoring in places that need to taste godliness. 

How might God be asking you to express your salt-seasoning and light?  It might involve some stretching... and some joy.

_________________________________________________________

Matthew 5:13-16

The Message (MSG)

Salt and Light

¹³"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. ^14-16"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

Priceless

I am learning to hear God's voice in my life.  Sometimes I'm dismayed as I near 40, that I have taken so long to clue in, and I wonder why God is so patient with me.  But as I walk this new road in my life, I suspect my learning curve is turning more sharply!  Twice this week, I had moments when I was struck by the gifts of God's people in my life, and the sharpness of the reality nearly took my breath away.  My only response could be turning my eyes to God and saying, "thank you"!

When you're used to taking care of others and believing you can handle anything one your own with enough tenacity, accepting the gifts of others is really humbling.  I mean really humbling, but this week I've grown in allowing myself the notion that this care is God's hand. 

I've been taught in my Reformed up-bringing, that every square inch of creation is claimed by Christ, and yet, in this privileged, Western influenced culture in which I've been raised, all of our belongings have a decidedly personal and individual flavor.  Nearly every Christian I know would agree, "oh, yes, it's all God's", but when we are deciding how many square feet our homes need to be and what decor should bedeck the space or when we look in our closets and are bored with the array of choices and decide we need an additional piece... our behavior indicates we have definite beliefs about who's money we have.  We claim a lot as ours.  I am not simply pointing fingers here.  This is a daily struggle I fight with my flesh and I am wrestling with how to work out where the line is between being blessed and being selfish.  How much does he allow us choice, longing for our obedience and reflection of his nature, and how much does he determine by simply moving his vast resources where he most desires them to be?  (Surely this is not a new question for Christians!)

I don't know that I need to have a defined answer to these questions to appreciate what God is teaching me these days.  What I am recognizing is that when I am "gifted" by fellow believers, I am learning two things.  First, to respond to the leap of joy in my heart and say thanks to God for his lavish provision, and second to celebrate the reflection of Christ I am witnessing in a brother or sister in Christ.  How many of us get to see this close up?  Oh how I wish I could tell you the names of the people who have blessed me this week!  Not for glory but for celebration of God's greatness and human responsiveness to him, that you might share more fully in fellowship we have experienced this week!  But I think I can get the point across without names, since these could be any believers living out generous obedience.

I had mentioned in a previous post about having worries about our family's dental needs.  Earlier this week we had the privilege of receiving care.  And as I sat in the office I was suddenly filled with strong emotion.  I have never imagined a visit to the dentist as being a spiritual thing, but I felt such love and gratitude to those providing our care as they reflected God at work in their lives, and such awe at how God was taking care of my "little worry" in a big way.  It made me feel closer to these brothers and sisters in Christ!  I felt a new bond with them as they used their gifts and talents to bless my family, allowing us a peek into their hearts, and allowing them a peek into ours by letting them serve us.  If they had been too busy or selfish to have given of their time and service or if we had been too prideful to accept, we would both have missed out on a blessing that can't be bought!

Then for a second time this week I was made aware of God's gifting through others.  We are putting the finishing touches on our support letter and have not yet made any public request for financial support as we prepare for our move to Haiti.  But this week a significant donation in our name was made at church!  I was blown away!  When Kirk told me about the gift, again my heart was so full of joy and praise to God!  Wow, is he amazing!  It was like a personal note from God saying, "Here's the start.  The exact wording of your request on paper is nice but is not necessary to accomplish my purposes.  I will take care of what you need to get to Haiti because that is where I want you to be for the sake of my kingdom." 

Did this family have any idea that their gift would be used to speak to me in this way?  Was it given with a prayer that it be worth more than the dollar amount could pay for?  I doubt it, but I hope to tell them sometime soon what God used it for and maybe change the way I give by adding that simple prayer of blessing!  God is so good!  He takes meaningless, ink-printed paper to which we have assigned value, and turns the value into something of far greater worth.  The paper value will quickly be spent and be gone, but the God-value compounds as my heart is tied to another believer's, strengthening both of us for greater service in God's kingdom.

A theme that has been developing in my understanding of God in the past few years is his relational nature.  I am coming to realize the great intimacy he experiences within himself  which he longs to share with us, and how he is tickled pink when his kiddos reflect that intimate fellowship with one another.  Pastor Steve preached on this topic this morning, and it reinforced this notion.

I think that's what this stuff is all about.  How we are to think about what is "ours", how we are to think about what to buy or not to, what to support or not to, how to share our lives with one another or not to, etc.  The old "WWJD" got to be a cliche, but the question still lies at the heart of living out our gratitude for how God has loved us - to live out the kind of relational intimacy with his people and his creation that he has shown us!

"Love the Lord your God will all your heart,
with all your mind, and with all your strength,
and love your neighbor as yourself." 

Oh Lord, teach me to give my all for intimacy with you and true fellowship with my brothers and sisters.

_____________________________________________________________

We got some new pics of the girls today!  Here they are:

Natalie

Rose

Can't wait to hug them and kiss their chubby cheeks! : )  Doesn't the COTP staff do a great job of pics?

My Golden Calf

Last night as I was falling asleep I was meandering through thoughts in my mind about feeling inadequate.  Inadequacy is a state I have become familiar with in the past year.  There have been periods of my adult life I have felt quite put together, orderly, predictable, stable... all words to describe having it all under control.  But the last year has challenged that in me, and I am beginning to believe it is for the better.  I needed God to undo me to show me his reign in my life and to let me know that my idea of holding it all together was a thin film over the reality of chaos just out of sight.  Chaos, that is, without the one who holds all things in his firm grasp.

I was also thinking about, just as I can act like I'm in control in my world, I can do just the opposite as well, and act like because I am feeling inadequate, that I am powerless.  "Inadequate" may just be my backhanded way of saying, "God, there's nothing that can be done", as if my powerless has anything to do with His.  In my myopic view, stuck in self-absorption, I am saying,  

"I'm not big enough, so you must not be big enough either.  Move over God, I'm worshipping the twin idols of fear and self-pity.  I don't have enough room for your greatness."

I am beginning to realize that both extremes are really just different poles on the same line of idolatry.  I am either holding trust in my own self-sufficiency over God, or holding my inadequacy above his greatness.  In either case, I am taking my eyes off the one who longs to be Lord of my life, and who knows the plans he has for me, and replacing him with a thing that is powerless.

So I am trying to start fresh at being sensitive to the Spirit's guiding and not being so quick to think with grandiosity or despair.  I just ask that you pray for me that  I may be centered in God's will, find my value, meaning, and joy there, and that my life may be filled with fruit so that I can boast in what God has done in me. 

Big Enough-
by Ayiesha Woods

Whack-A-Mole

Worry can play funny tricks on us.  When there are so many things to be thinking and keeping track of, the littlest notions can take up disproportionate space in my brain.  Lately, worries about my teeth have taken hold.  Not just mine, but that of my kids, too, since we have gone years without dental insurance and by default, dental care.  I  have some issues going on in my mouth that may have provoked the worry, and Elijah has been complaining of tooth pain lately, but in the past month it seems nearly every day I have been carrying unspoken anxiety that pops up, mole-like, at random moments. 

On Thursday, Elijah was complaining of a toothache while eating with others, and before I could whack-a--mole the thought, out popped a public comment about not being to the dentist in awhile.  Filter girl, filter!  I tried to just move on in the conversation, feeling a little dumb for blurting too much info.  That night, as I stood in the solace of the shower, the worry sprang to life, this time, a tummy-twisting knot intent on stealing my moment of peace.  As a lump of tears rose in my throat, I prayed.

It was a small prayer.  There with Pantene lather only half-rinsed out, I paused and lifted my hands, just asking God to take the worry, saying, "Lord you have the resources to meet our needs.  Everything we have is yours, so if it's your will, please make a way for us to take care of our teeth before we leave for Haiti.  And if not, please give me a peace to cover the anxiety." 

Praying about teeth feels silly.  What right do I have to ask the God of the universe to pay for my teeth and take care of my petty anxieties when there are so many pressing needs in this world? 

So that was it.  I moved on, really not giving that moment another thought.  The kids and I went to visit cousins in the Twin Cities for a couple of days.  Friday night, after everyone else in the house had gone to bed, I called Kirk to touch bases and see how his day had gone.  Before ending the conversation, he added, "oh, and something kind of cool happened today - I got an e-mail from someone and we're going to get help with our dental needs.  We just have to call and make an appointment."  Someone had heard my indiscreet comment about Elijah's teeth and for some reason chose to take action.  They made a few calls that turned into dental care for all of us.  They had no idea what I had been thinking and feeling for days, what I was going to pray that night, what God would do with their action...

Even before remembering my prayer the day before, tears came to my eyes with the relief of relieved anxiety.  And then I caught my breath as I rolled back the moment in my mind of the small prayer just the night before.

My little worries are enough for God to take notice of? 

My teeth can fit into his agenda right there next to dying babies and earthquakes?

I don't want this lesson to be lost on me, but this is really big to hold, that the God who holds both universes and sparrows can hold my worries, too!  I know this truth in a Sunday School way, but then there are moments like this, where the clarity becomes blinding.  It's like moving to the next story up in a building and realizing that in addition to city there is a beautiful forest or lake shore a little ways off.  God is changing my perspective, whacking my moles, moving my mountains,  showing me his greatness, and his great care.

  There may be days ahead where He will want me to lean on him through greater hardship or perhaps many days of little worries.  Can I learn to trust Him through it all and not be too prideful to ask for His hand?  Can I live like I know He is great?   "Oh Lord, you are much greater than I give you room to be! Open my eyes to Your fullness and replace my independence with full dependence on You!"

The Desires of Our Heart... Precious Rose

I had a chance to tell a bit about how we came to the point of adopting, but not how we decided on two, and how it came to be Rose. 

After deciding to adopt at all, Kirk felt strongly that if we were going to adopt one, we should adopt two in order to help keep some balance in our family between American and Haitian.  Having two Haitian children, he reasoned, would help us better identify with the Haitian part of our family, and since we had two biological boys and knew we were getting Natalie, we decided on two Haitian girls.  Easier for sharing a room, passing along clothing, etc.  (That, and Momma wanted to play with ribbons and dresses and pretty shoes!)  So we waited for our 2nd referral. 

While we were in Haiti we had time every morning where we would go to the baby house and "check out" a baby for some 1:1 time.  Noah and Elijah would get a little overwhelmed by some of the older babies and toddlers who swarmed them like they were the Pied Piper, so it was not such a surprise that we gravitated to the infant room.  There Noah, especially, became attached to a sweet 9 month baby girl named Rose Guerda.  Rose is a common Haitian name but is usually used as part of two-part name like we would say, "Lilly Grace" or "Ruth Ann".

Rose Guerda had a halo of perfect, soft curls, winding for inches above her little head, milk chocolaty skin, eyes the deepest brown, and a gummy grin you couldn't help but respond to.  We would take her out for play time and Noah would make her giggle and belly laugh!  She would look right into his brown eyes with her own deeper brown ones and he was taken - smitten with a baby girl!  She tracked his movement, waiting for him to entertain her, and lighting up when he showed up to play.  In the evening during prayer and singing time, while everyone lined the corridor, he would sneak into her room and talk to her if she was fussing and pat her back.  And sometimes we'd take her out and hold her close during singing and help her clap along.  She was Noah's special baby.

Typically referrals are not made until the dossier (the ginormous packet of certified forms and documents) reaches COTP in Haiti, because they don't want to "offer" a child to someone who may not be moving through the process very quickly and potentially leave out another family who is ready.  But in October, only two months into the process, we received an email from Robin, the adoption coordinator.

Kirk and Christina,

I wanted to run something by you. Because you have been in Haiti and have spent some time with a few of the kids, I thought I could let you know the situation and see what you think. Obviously, this is not how we normally do things, but because of the situation I feel its best to give you some time to think and pray about the situation.

You are waiting for a second referral of a little girl. Right now, the only little girl we have available/ready is Rose-Guerda. She is a sweet little girl who is almost 1 years old (November 2nd). However, she is behind developmentally. She does seem a little "off", but no one can really pin-point how or why. It could just be that she was so severely malnourished and taking extra time to catch up. At nearly 5 months old she only weighed 6lbs. I am attaching her medical. Its not fully updated, but you can at least see it up to July of this year. If you have any specific questions, please let me know. I will answer whatever I can.

 

Robin

 

 

Rose Guerda.  Noah's special baby!  The concerns of developmental needs were only momentary as we realized God had picked her for us, and us for her, before we even knew we were thinking of adopting.  God knew.  He knew the brokenness in the world that allowed the kind of despair that grips Haiti.  He knew her mother had struggled to raise her own babies in the belly of poverty with all it's physical, mental, and relational devastation.  He knew she would do anything to give her baby a chance at life when she was near death.  He knew what would be in her mother's heart and mind when she gave up her child.  He knew the hands that would nurse this innocent one back to health, who would visit from across the seas to tickle her belly with laughter, who's hearts would be pricked to love one of these, who would write, who would smile, who would realize the greatness of His plan.  God knew.

 

And we celebrated how once again, our child was no accident, no coincidence, no mistake.  Rose was God's and he was entrusting her to us.

 

 

Rose - healthy and happy
 March 2012