Wednesday, November 28, 2012

One House, One Dream

Ternicille is our laundry lady.

Monday through Saturday she makes her way from the outskirts of Cap Haitian and comes at 8:30 AM, rain or shine, to gather our dirty clothes and linens, and anything else we want washed.  She sets up her work area on the concrete steps of the volunteer house at Manna, by getting a garden hose and filling kivets (large tubs) with soap and water and rinse water.  She can remove nearly any stain and has a way with whites that makes them practically shine as they bleach in the bright sunlight that falls upon our back porch in the afternoon.  When the clothes have dried she folds them and places them in a clean kivet and sets them by the front door with our clean laundry hamper.  It is the same most every day.

She is fiercely protective of what is entrusted to her and does not tolerate theft.  Ternicille says, "Rad pa kapab mache"(clothes can't walk) if something goes missing.  Sometimes this ethic has gotten her in trouble with those less scrupulous.

She is quick and diligent in her work.  If she finishes early she looks for more to do until her normal work day is over and does not leave early if her responsibilities run long.  She does not believe in waste, and would rather clean something well and use it again, than throw it away; she can clean practically anything.  Sometimes I have wondered what a marvel her home must be.

Last month the northern part of Haiti was inundated by rain that poured hour after hour through the night and then continued  the next day, too.  Low lying area were quickly saturated and then flooded with dirty, sewage-filled water, as drainage ditches and latrines spilled over their swollen banks.

Ternicille's house was in an area that was badly flooded.  She was late for work that day, but she came nonetheless.  She told me her house had flooded with a couple of feet of water during the night.  In the morning she had gotten her kids into a part of Cap Haitian that was not under water so they could be safe with her extended family.  She told me her house was a mess and the water had reached up to her beds which already stood on cinder blocks.

She washed my clothes the day her house stood in deep water.


A couple of days later she invited me to go to her home to see the flood damage.  I took the boys along, too.  Rikerns drove us in our biggest vehicle to make it through water and deep mud holes that remained on the roadway.  When we could drive no further, we walked on foot through mud-filled paths and up along a cement cannel wall for about a quarter of mile, then wove our way through some tin clad shacks with stick walls, through a narrow alley, on a mud path, to Ternicille's house.

Ternicille in front of her house.
The side of her house with water near the base.

The view from the front door looking into the first "bedroom".
The water stains can be seen 1/3 of the way up the wall.


























Mud remaining on her dirt floor under the bed.  Algae has started to grow in the damp dirt.
Looking in the back door into the second room
of the house -- an old microwave is used as a stand
for her suitcase "dresser".


























Ternicille has hopes for a better home and has been building a new house next door.  It's cement foundation is 4 feet higher than the house she lives in and has cinder block walls.  It only needs a roof for her to be able to move into it and have a safer, dryer place for herself and her children.  There will be no running water or indoor toilet, but she would be proud of her improved living situation.

Ternicille standing by the "front door" of her new house.
Looking from the first room into the second.
Although this house would still be just a
two room home, it would be dry and more sanitary
for her family.



























I tell you Ternicille's story to let you know of one individual life in a personal way.  Her life interacts with mine on a daily basis, and she blesses me.

Would you pray for me as I face the daily challenge of how to serve and bless those God has placed around me?



Sunday, November 25, 2012

Wall of Shame

After many months of waiting for our shipping container to arrive we received word that a truck carrying our beloved cargo had left Port au Prince and would be arriving Wednesday morning.

I remembered back to the stressful feelings of packing to move to Haiti.  It happened in two shifts, first to gather items we wanted to ship down to Haiti and after that was done, the remaining items for storage and/or giveaway.  I brought load after load to the thrift store,  had a huge garage sale, gave away items to friends and family, and finally pared down to what could fit in the boxes for Haiti and what could fit in a storage trailer to leave sitting until we return stateside.  What seemed like such difficult choices then, such as whether to pack the food processor or blender, feels a bit ridiculous now.

I remember the feeling of mental exhaustion as I itemized every item for each numbered box, 40 in all.  Forty boxes of important things to make it tolerable to live in Haiti for 2 years, or so I thought.

The first few weeks of living here "the container" came up quite a bit.  Someone would say something like, I wish I had a ruler, or bread maker, or soup ladle and Erin or I would undoubtedly say, "Oh we have one of those on the container".  "The container" could very well have been filled with milk and honey for how I glorified it's contents in my mind.  When the container comes I will have __________- fill in the blank with any treasures you can imagine!

But at the same time, other thoughts about the "stuff" were turning in my mind.  Within a couple of days of being here we had moved into our 600 square foot apartment and despite the tight quarters I began to realize how very blessed we were compared to so many around us.  Even though we had no couch or hot water and our home and school was happening on the end of the multi-leveled twin beds Kirk and I claimed as our sleeping space, we were safe and clean, well fed and disease free, comfortable and entertained in our little space -- far better than our best paid employees.

The woman we hire to wash our clothes (by hand) lives in small, paper thin (literally) shack with a patchwork tin roof and cardboard and newspaper filling the cracks in the sides of her stick walls.  Even when days of rain brought over a foot of water to her home and left her dirt floor pocked with mud, Ternicielle came in to work, to wash my sweaty clothes so I could neatly hang them back in tidy rows of skirts and coordinating tops.  Her children went to stay with family when the waters began to soak the bottom of their mattresses, while mine slept in bug-free comfort aside mechanical breezes, atop the crisp white sheets she had blued, and then bleached, on the roof with the hot Haitian sun.

I saw her home a couple of days after the rain had subsided.  The boys came with me.  Her living conditions deeply troubled Noah.  At first he was glib and made comments  about her "cute little house" and how much fun it would be to camp there like in a fort, but later that night he lay in bed with questions of a just God.  How could one person have so much another so little?  What is the cause of poverty?  It has been a good place from which to talk about what God wants of us as believers and fellow image-bearers, what the true cost of our comfortable wealth is, how to be grateful for what we have without always wanting more, and how to bless others who have so much less.

A lot has happened in our lives to change my perspective on "need" since I packed those forty boxes, so when the container arrived I felt less joy than I had hoped I would in that moment.  While I was deeply grateful to have my comfortable king size bed and to unpack linens that smelled of home, I also felt a sense of embarrassment as the 4 young men loaded box after box, all 40 of them, into my small space.  How foolish it must have seemed to them.  It did to me.  Sure, there are some things that are useful and good.  I  regret neither the boxes of toiletries with 2 years worth of deodorant nor the shelves of books to grow the minds of my kids, but I do regret the excess with which I packed.  I regret even more that I allowed myself to believe the mis-truth that my "paring down" for missions was of some marvelous sacrifice on my part.

My boxes stack around me in burden, like a wall of shame.  They show me how gluttonous I had become in my consumption of all things sparkly, shiny, and new.  I had laid prostrate before the American god of consumerism, even when in my self-righteousness I tried to think otherwise.  I tried to justify my consumption by "saving" money at garage sales and thrift stores.  Though my budget allowed primarily for second hand vehicles and used clothes, I wasted time on "important" decisions standing in an isle at Target deliberating between a plastic or stainless steel garbage can. I frittered away the money God entrusted to me that could have been used to grow and bless his kingdom and those he directly calls us to serve.  I was so immersed in my culture of consumption I could not even see the reality of my own addiction to self-serving, self-pleasuring life, and how that life disabled me from fully participating in God's kingdom work and the pleasure of deep relationship with him.  Lord forgive me!  I am stuck here!

I don't yet know what I will do with all of the stuff I don't need. Ternicielle is grateful to take the plastic I used to protect my mattress to fortify her roof against the next rains and the cardboard boxes to replace the damp ones that insulate her walls.  I don't need 12 coordinated bath towels and I might be able to go on quite happily without 6 mixing bowls.  I want to find some way to reverse my gluttony and bless others.  I want to take joy in my relationship with Christ and those he has planted around me, and not in the fluff that can momentarily seem so important.

Please pray for me and Kirk and the boys that we will remain content with little and discontent with a lot.







Sunday, November 4, 2012

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!



The Birthday Girl!
Rose is 2!





Dear Rose,

Happy birthday little one!  It's hard to believe that we celebrate your second year of life today, and to think that only a year ago we did not yet know you'd be ours... what a journey we've been on.  

In a place where babies sometimes die, every life is celebrated with joy, and children's birthdays are not taken for granted.  COTP has a tradition of birthday parties and so yours was no exception!  We gathered together on the gated patio with all of your roommates, siblings, and many staff, too.  You opened a present with Natalie's help, we sang happy birthday and English and Kreyol, and of course, shared cake with everyone!  Not a crumb went to waste!  And when the party was over, and the sticky fingers washed, Noah read you stories and Elijah made faces, Daddy held you close, and we played "Smooth Road" on my lap 'til you giggled!  It was a great party!

It's difficult to imagine what goes on in your little mind.  You are full of jabbering, though few distinguishable words yet.  You love to laugh and play, feel powerful when you shut Roxie out of the gate, you love good things to eat and quiet cuddles, you light up when we come into the gate and cry big tears when we walk away.  Oh the walking away... that part is SO hard, for both of us.  Soon there will be no more good-byes!

I don't yet know how many days we will live in the land of your birth, if it be months or years, or even a lifetime.  I don't know if your days will be filled under tropical skies or the changing seasons of northern climes.  I think about what I will want you to remember from this time of your life, long after your cells have failed to record these days in any kind of active memory. 

You have been in care of strong women, many of whom leave their babies behind to care for you and the others each day.  Women who greet you in song in the morning and sing you to sleep with hymns each night.  Women who know what your life might have been like outside the gate and who pride themselves in how plump and healthy you have become.  Oh the Nannies have been your collective Mama until I could be your only.

Do you know of the beauty of the land to which you were born?  A land where mountains rumble with afternoon thunder and the palms whisper in breeze beneath the bluest skies.  A land where goats and their kids are tethered in lush fields and long-horned cows turn curious heads when we pass, on the dry road.  A land where trees hang heavy with blushing mangoes ready to juice up lips and run off chins, where bananas spring out from the trunk with showy flowering ripeness, and breadfruit hang heavily on branches high above the waving canes.  

You come from a people with strength and grace!  Do you remember the men resting on rustic hoes and then returning with bent back to shape the land for planting, the school boys bringing the cattle home for the night, with tethers draping behind like a long dusty tail?  Can you recall the woman with proud necks carrying the laundry, the goods for sale, the purchases from market, the woven bundles on which to sleep, all atop their heads - what balance and grace as they walk in the hot sun, shaded only by their load!

There is much intensity to the land of your birth!  The sun filters though the moist air with unhindered power and the day is only cooled when it beds behind the mountains at dusk.  The rains do not waste time with drizzle but pour and pound and puddle before they abruptly cease.  Likewise, people do not dispute in polite tones, but raise loud voices to drench the matter, then quickly dry up the concern and go on their way.  The mountains rise abruptly from the plains and return in sharp lines to ground level again.

The quiet places lie in the darkness of the night, when breezes rustle the canopy of leaves around the house, tree frogs croak their love to one another, and the cows bawl in distant fields.  The stars twinkle with billions of bright spots in the infinite sky, and fat toads take their places on the doorstep.

Poverty, too,  is rooted in this Haitian soil.  People you might have known suffer without adequate food, shelter, and clothing.  Though we are safe and well within the walls of the compound, many shiver in small homes when the rains pour through shoddy roofs, some lie side by side without the comfort of beds, and too many go to bed tonight with empty, hungry stomachs.  Often a man must chose between buying the next cement block to continue building a house or choosing supper.  The stomach often wins.  People come to the gate desperate for medical help for conditions that have easy cures, but no money means no cure.  

Some day I will tell you how your mother brought you through the same gate, hoping for a life better than she could give, hoping your small, frail frame could be made full and well.  She knew all too well of others babies who die of simple things and wanted better for you.  She had a love I don't know about, sweet Rose, but I promise to love and care for you in the way she hoped for you and the way God chose for you, too.  I don't know why he puts families like ours together, only that he does.  We, dear child, are the lucky ones!  We get to participate in reflecting the aspect of God's nature that so longs for relationship with us, that He adopts all of us as His sons and daughters.  I covenant to be your Mom, like God covenants to be our God -- you are my child, and we are His.

Today we celebrate that you are alive and well and that your future is bright.  We celebrate that you will soon be a part of our family and part of God's covenant family, too. 

Happy Birthday, Rose.

Rose, Mommy, and Natalie
Natalie helping Rose open her birthday present.

















Mmmm... birthday cake!




Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Five Hours at Milot Hospital

John pulls up in the Toyota and greets us with a big smile and good English.  I climb in front with *Nancy on my lap, while Shiela arranges the diaper bag and  *Martin beside her, before adjusting baby Jane on her lap.  All three of the children are dressed like we might be on our way to a fete (party) or legliz (church),with Nancy in a purple plaid dress, Jane in black on white polka dots, and Martin in a handsome collar shirt with khaki shorts, but we are headed to Milot (MEE-low) Hospital.  I am accompanying Sheila for the children's routine HIV appointments where they receive the medications and care that keep them healthy.  There is no outward sign of the deadly disease within that has already taken the life of their parents and threatens theirs.

Rains have soaked the land every night in recent days, so the difficult dirt road is even more challenging to navigate that usual, with puddles the size of small ponds connected by narrow muddy rivers.  We do not pass many of the moto's that usually populate the roads, and it relives me to know there are some conditions even too tough for them.  John is a cautious driver and moves slowly through the dips and mounds.  It is reassuring,  knowing the children are only restrained by the limited strength of our arms.  After a few miles we reach the tar road.  It is welcome relief to our jostled bones and tense abdominal muscles.  The rest of the drive is fairly comfortable with Nancy nestled cozily under my chin.

As you enter the outskirts of Milot, the Citadel stands on a mountaintop above, square and formidable   The streets are busy with school children in their bright, coordinating uniforms, and food vendors line the street in anticipation of the day's traffic.  We pass the hospital dormitory compound on the right, where visiting medical professionals and other longer term doctors and nurses live.  It is gated and guarded, and the cement block walls of buildings have stained glass in typical Catholic style.  Beautiful fruited and flowering trees dress the grounds.

The hospital is not much further ahead on the left.  Nancy doesn't want to walk, so I carry her as we cross the busy road.  The main entrance is clean and crowded with vendors, security, men and women dressed in scrubs, and nursing students dressed in prim white aprons with white hose and knee socks, reminiscent of U.S. army nurses of WWII.  The sick are interspersed, arriving on foot, carried by concerned loved ones, or occasionally in wheel chairs.

The hospital itself, is a collection of whitewashed buildings connected by narrow sidewalks, corridors, and courtyards.  People sit everywhere on benches or squatting on the side of walkways.  Doors leading into various departments are crowded with those who wait for appointments.  Pediatrics on the left, across from radiology, then little a little room with a placard overhead reading, "department of community nutrition", and so on.

We wind through most of the grounds, climb a flight of stairs, and arrive at the HIV clinic on the second floor.  There is a short hallway with 4 chairs on the right and a wooden bench on the left.  Five doors open into the hallway, but all are closed.  Already 2 women wait.  One has a small baby dressed in a purple sleeper and wrapped in a warm blanket.  The baby sleeps on her lap, with no hint at the ailment that brings them here,  The mother smiles gently as we sit down across from her.  The other women has a small baby wrapped similar to the first.  She tells the first woman her baby is sick and she has a worried expression which fades, but does not disappear, when we greet her.  Her baby lays on the bench beside her, motionless, asleep.

Though we have arrived a 1/2 hour late, it does not appear we have missed out on anything.  Medical staff are in a meeting.  Occasionally someone leaves the room to take a phone call, but otherwise the door remains closed.  After an hour or more, the meeting ends and a nurse, then the doctor, come to begin seeing the patients that now fill the seats and bench.

The children in our care are remarkably patient.  There is no play area.  No office books or magazines.  No brightly colored murals or decal to distract them from boredom.  Madame Ga, the depot supervisor, has packed some snacks, powdered milk and water, a couple of fisher price animals, and two books.  The snacks are the most effective pacifiers.

One hour turns to two, and then three.  During this time Martin announces he has to go to the bathroom and proceeds to start peeing out the door.  Sheila grabs him and brings him to the base of the stairs to at least have him pee on the grass.  This happens one more time.

Nancy also indicates she has to use the bathroom.  Her journey is not quite as simple as Martin's.  Though there is a bathroom near the clinic, no one has the key when we need it, so I leave with Nancy to take her to the public bathrooms across the road.  This is the kind of adventure no one wants or needs.  The public restroom is manned by a janitor with a mop, which somehow does little to reassure me about sanitation.  There are not separate entrances for men or women, rather one large room with separate stalls that lock individually and a roll of toilet paper suspended on a wire by the front door, should you chose to it before going into your stall.  Once inside the stall, the toilet area is a raised, tiled area, with what can best be described as having a sunken urinal in the middle, and a place to  put your feel on either side.  Not knowing the best approach with a young child, I simply took her underwear off, and held her suspended in a swing-like position over the hole.  I was grateful to have stuffed a small role of toilet paper and a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse before leaving.  I had the pleasure of taking Nancy to this bathroom twice.  I chose to hold it.

  Nearing 4 hours of waiting Martin's name is called.  Sheila takes him into the nurse's office where he is weighed and vitals are recorded.  The same happens with Jane and Nancy, followed by more waiting.  Finally the doctor calls each child's name.  Blood samples had been collected the day before, so Dr. is beautiful, friendly, and smart, and speaks good English, which she uses out of kindness for me.  She reviews the results and blood counts, does a brief physical, and makes recommendations.  Jane and Martin have gained weight and height and their numbers have remained good.  Nancy also gained height and weight and was free from illness, however her number had dropped significantly from her last visit, meaning her anti-retroviral medications are no longer do the job they need to do.  There will be a clinical review of the HIV cases on Thursday, so Nancy's case will be reviewed.  Dr. Michelle will recommend an adjustment in medication to address the change in numbers in order to keep Nancy healthy.  This means we'll be back for more labs and appointment in the next two week which is not so pleasant, but we are grateful to have a good HIV clinic available to serve our precious little ones.

Dr. Michelle has written orders and prescriptions, and though I had hoped we were done, we still have a few more stops to make.  We load up the diaper bag, now filled with empty snack and milk containers, and books a little worse for wear, and haul the kids back down the stairs to a small office.  Here we will pick up the ARV medications and have our order sheet stamped in order to pick up the rest of the prescriptions at the regular pharmacy.  The pharmacist looks over the orders, selects medications, throwing the information pamphlet over his right shoulder in the general direction of the garbage can, sticks a new label on the bottle, and hands them to Sheila.  He says I am learning Creole faster than Sheila, which is strange considering we have never met and he has no idea how long I have been in Haiti, not mention Sheila is fluent enough to translate effectively with almost anyone I meet.

We leave this office and go a few doors down where we need to get another specialized medicine for Martin.  He has to pee.  Again. So Sheila takes him outside while I await the packet of TB meds being prepared.  Sheila and Martin return, we gather up our load once again, and proceed to our final stop for the day -- the main pharmacy.

The pharmacy is basically a walk up counter with doors wide open in order to allow people to spill out onto the sidewalk.  Something about it reminds me of walking up to a carnival booth. The wait is long.  I take Martin and Nancy to "entertain" while Sheila keeps Jane and stands in line.  During her wait, Jane's diaper rumbles loudly to announce a delightful "poop up the back" event while Sheila waits helplessly in line.  She digs in the diaper bag for a blanket to contain the mess and resumes her wait.  After about 45 minutes she finally reaches the front of the line and gets the needed prescriptions.

While waiting for Sheila, John finds me waiting.  I ask him to take some money and buy a few drinks for all of us, and a little lunch for himself, as he has been waiting the entire time of our visit, as well.  We meet up to walk back to the vehicle together, relieved to be on our way home.  After finishing their drinks all three children fall asleep on laps or against shoulders for the bumpy ride home and for the first moment in hours all of us are content and relaxed.

Though this trip for a routine check has been challenging, I know that our children are the lucky ones.  Kids die of HIV or for lack of access to basic medical care in Haiti.  Haitians know there is no use going to the hospital unless you have the money up front to pay.  Those without money or means to buy needed medications suffer with illness or malnutrition, and some are left orphaned from the illness they did nothing to deserve.  Our little ones have known of needle sticks and bitter medicine, lethargy and discomfort in their young lives, but they do not yet worry about mortality.  That worry is for those who love and care for them now and the families that await them through adoption.

*The real names of the children are not used in order to product their identity.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

A Day in the Life

Kirk has been challenging me to write something a little more basic to give you a more direct view of what our day to day lives are like here in Haiti, so thought I'd take a whack at that today, since I haven't written in while.  So here is A Day In the Life of the Vander Pol's, just to give you a glimpse of what a "typical" day might look like.  I sort of snicker to myself, even typing the word "typical" because I was going to attempt this once before and,well, it was so far from typical I couldn't know where to begin, but today is a new day, so here we go.

Thursday, October 18, 2012
 7:15 AM Kindle alarm goes off.  Hit snooze.
 7:25 AM Elijah hops in bed with us/me.  I say me, because our twin bunks are beside one another, but mine is 5 inches taller than Kirk's so Elijah does have to chose which one of us to come snuggle with.  I guess I'm the more receptive one this morning.
 7:30 AM Do devotions, get up and get ready for the day.
 8:00 AM Kirk is out the door to walk over to COTP to start his day.  Some days are earlier, but there are no pressing issues today, that he yet knows of. Today is my dear friend, Heather Pluimer's Birthday!  I write a quick birthday greeting to her.  Set our laundry out the front door for the laundry lady to pick up.  Ternicille works M-SA doing our laundry and that of some of the children.  She returns it by early afternoon, smelling fresh, nicely folded, and stain free.
8:30 AM I start school with Noah and Elijah.  We do a literature lesson together (we start the first chapter of The Hobbit), do a Kreyol lesson of reviewing 15 verbs we started yesterday, and do Noah's Alpha Omega Bible lesson together, before breaking off for individual work.  Noah starts his science lesson and begins to write a report on a NASA mission.  Elijah and I practice reading, do spelling words, and practice addition facts on the Kindle.  He likes to write the answers on the drawing app and it is good practice for his letter and number writing as he still has trouble with a few reversals.  Noah is really into his Apollo I project and is really getting into the history so I let him continue researching and learning instead of moving on geography.
10:30 AM Mid-morning meal/ breakfast is served at COTP, but we decide to keep pressing on with school work.  M, W, F are "American" days and TU, TH, SA are "Haitian" days.  The boys and I are still not crazy about breakfast pasta, so we just eat at home and wait for the afternoon meal.  tomorrow AM is french toast and fresh pineapple day, so we won't miss that.  : )
12:00 PM Finish up school work.  Rob calls from COTP to bring one of the older kids to come visit his bio-mom who has arrived for an appointment.  His Nanny washes him and dresses him in clean clothes to look handsome for his mother.  I walk him over to supervise the visit. Following the visit, the child is sad, so Carla, a Nanny, and I spend time talking with him and comforting him.  He also has ear pain, so I take him to visit the nurse for some Tylenol.  This was the time frame I had planned to bake a cake for this evening's good-bye party for one of the kids leaving, but while I am attending to the older kid, Tori agrees to bake the cake.  When it is finished and cooled I frost it and put it in the fridge.
Kirk is working on cleaning up the office, finances, and other paperwork in the office with Rob.  The boys are playing with the VandeLune girls on the playground.
2:00 PM I return to our apartment to tidy up and put away laundry.  Milouse cleans on TU and F so I don't need to do a thorough cleaning today.
2:30 PM I return to the main compound to eat the afternoon meal/lunch.  Today we have cooked beef pieces in a slightly spicy sauce, rice with beans, and a bean sauce, along with breadfruit salad (ends up tasting like potato salad) and fresh sliced tomatoes.  Somehow cold glass bottled Coke always goes good with the afternoon meal!  Otherwise it's filtered water.
Rickerns returns to COTP with Agape mail.  There is a package for us (which I don't find out until the next day).  One of the adoptive families sends a package for their son's birthday and sends a whole separate box of treats for our family - Pringles, chocolate, ground flax (yeah, I requested that), baking supplies.... bliss in a box!  Thank you, Jeff's family!!!
3:00 PM Tori helps me prepare the afternoon snack for the kids in the baby house.  I haven't actually served at snack time before so she is nice enough to help me out today.  Some of the kids will be going to a peer's birthday party in a little bit, so we only prepare snacks for those who won't be going to have cake.
3:30 PM Go into the pharmacy/clinic to use the database to enter notes from interactions with kids earlier today.
4:00 PM Pick up Natalie from the pavilion where she is playing with peers and take her back to our apartment for a visit before her supper time. (I do not spend time with Rose today - complicated, but she is having a hard time with seeing us and letting us go, so we don't want to do more relationship building with her until we are closer to moving her in.)  She is feeling shy today, likely because her special Nanny is working today and it is still quite hard for her to separate from Bouta.  She wants to be carried.  We have a little snack together, Noah and Elijah play blocks with her, and we read a few books.
5:30 PM I tell her she is going to go back to eat with the kids and Bouta and sleep, and that we will play again tomorrow.  She agrees with this plan.
I go from the pavilion to the mango tree in front of the volunteer house where the staff are beginning devotions.  We have prayer, worship, and study time together, while the sky darkens and rumbles threatening rain, as it does most late afternoons this time of year.  During devotions, Noah stayed back at the house to play Poptropica (first time since moving here!) and Elijah goes to play with the VandeLune kids.
6:30 PM Dodging raindrops, I get the cake from the kitchen for the going away party.  Kirk and Elijah and I attend along with a couple other staff.  We give our nightly greeting to the tarantula we see each evening on our way back to the apt.  He seems to come out at dusk.
The little girl is dressed in her most "bel" clothes and enjoys the attention of her farewell gathering, complete with picture taking and a lot of messy cake.  Some of the other kids (and a few of the Nannies) are sad about her leaving.
7:30 PM We head back to our apt. as the thunder booms and rolls above.  Noah and Elijah play a computer game together until it is time to shower and get ready for bed.  They each take their (cold) showers, have bedtime snacks, and brush their teeth.
8:30 PM They hop into their bunks, listen to devotions, and pray before going to sleep.
Kirk and I spend a little time talking and checking fb/email.
9:30 PM Kirk goes to bed.  I read, write, and spend time on-line.
11:00 PM I go to bed.  Good-night.

So there it is -- typical day.  : )



Sunday, September 30, 2012

When It's All Been Said and Done


The day was closing when the gatekeeper came to find Shiela. Someone from Lagosette was pleading to come in to see the nurse. A young man and his sister were supporting a frail woman, their mother, as she hobbled through the gate. She wore a blouse and fitted tweed suit coat, and a linen skirt which tried to escape her thin hips bones. She had dressed well for this important visit, despite her obvious pain. She wore a lace handkerchief over her head to protect her sensitive eyes from light. She may have been 50 years or more, though it was difficult to tell from her sun-aged skin and worn expression, as her pain was her most prominent feature.  She moaned quietly under its weight.

Shiela stopped delivering the meds she was ready to dispense in the baby house and gave her full attention as the young man tried to explain their plight. I was not clear on all the details with my preliminary Kreyol, but from what I could understand, the family had scraped together all their money for a surgery the woman had received a week ago, but since that time, she had experienced blinding pain in her head. They had prescriptions written on well creased paper in hand -- they had not had the money to fill them, but at this point no pill or potion was going to be adequate to address what seemed to be going on inside this woman's head.

They begged for an answer. The pleaded to be able to borrow the money to see a doctor at Milot (MEE-low) hospital. There was nothing Sheila could do to help them with what they wanted. She touched the woman with tenderness and addressed the young man with compassion telling him she understood how difficult this situation was, but in the end she sent them away, believing there had been some complication after the surgery causing a clot, an infection, or some other thing that now left this woman in unbearable pain and possibly dying.

Sheila does not have an exhaustive skill set, medications, or resources to address the need of this one person, let alone the many others who would follow if this family were given the money. She does not have the time in addition to the many children who call COTP home. All she could give was her love, which she did. But this story of one person's life is merely one in a long line of individual people who have come to the gates of COTP in desperation.  As in this case there is not always a happy ending. 

While I saw the love of Christ demonstrated through Shiela's hands and heart, I also saw the raw depth of the curse of sin, alive and well, stealing life and joy and hope. Here I am, in a place where a woman will likely die, and if not, will experience excruciating pain, because she does not have the money to go back to the doctor who operated on her. She has no “back-up plan” for such emergencies. Her children, who desperately sought whatever help they could for her, will likely watch her suffer and expire. There is so little justice for the poor in Haiti. There is so little hope for a brighter tomorrow.

I felt despair in that moment and thought, “Oh Lord, where are you in all this mess? Why am I here? What good can I possibly do in the middle of so much suffering? What do I have to offer? Lord, how I need your eyes to see and your ears to hear. How I need your touch! Oh how Haiti needs your healing balm to wipe away its sin and pain and sadness! Show me how to be a healer in this place, for at times I feel helpless to do a thing on my own!  What do you want me to do?”

I have to confess that I have not been following the prompting of the Spirit in my heart. A number of times lately I have noticed a thought to pray for someone and have not, and I cannot tell you why I didn't just pray for this woman right then and there, except that I just let the moment pass. There was so little to do for the suffering woman, at least from my earthly standpoint, but perhaps God was offering me an opportunity to let go of my own “can do”' mentality and take up a bit of His “I AM”.

I wonder if he is challenging me to seek him in prayer when I feel most helpless and allow him to be God? Perhaps when I am most vulnerable is when I am most teachable. I am working at responding to the tug in my heart and pushing away the inner scoffing that says it is silly, untimely, or unnecessary. I want to live Christ's love and I am learning that in my broken state, all God wants is for me to be used.

This song ministered to me today:

When It's All Been Said and Done (Robin Mark)

When it's all been said and done
there is just one thing that matters
did I do my best to live for truth
did I live my life for you?

When it's all been said and done
all my treasures will mean nothing
only what I've done for love's reward
will stand the test of time.

Lord your mercy is so great
that you look beyond our weakness
and find purest gold in miry clay
making sinners into saints

I will always sing your praise
here on earth and ever after
for you've shown me heaven's my true home
when it's all been said and done
you're my life when life is done.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Stormy Night


Thunderstorms are not the same in Haiti as in MN. In MN, I could watch the clouds gather and grow and growl across the prairie miles before reaching the sky above me, watching from the safety of my sliding glass door. The lightning would first shimmer in the west, gradually growing in intensity and strength.

There seems to be nothing gradual about the development of a thunderstorm where we are living in Haiti. Nearly every afternoon I expect something when the sky takes an overcast light and the mountains rumble with thunder in the distance, but rarely does anything develop. Perhaps that's why this evening's storm was so successful in sneaking up on me. The sky exploded with a gun powder crack and a flash of light, echoing off the distant mountains and reverberating through the valley. Thunder never seemed so near! It was followed by rain with the kind of heaviness that the tree leaves submit to in drooping form, and branches ready to release their hold fall to the ground with loud groans. Two ripe coconuts and a yellow grapefruit fell with a thud, somehow dislodged by the weight of rain against them.

The one-eyed dog came slinking to the porch, whining like a squeaky tricycle, parking beneath the stair to take shelter from heavy drops against his mangy coat. A softball size toad sat in a large puddle enjoying the deluge. The sound of water against the earth was like the constant of car tires on rainy city streets, with louder splashes where the rain pooled and hurled itself from the roof. And oh, the sweep of cool air that rolled in with the rain! A sweet low air, moist with rain, but cool and fresh against the mugginess of the day – completely delicious and calming.

In MN most storms pass, eager to speed across vast spaces, but here the thunder rolls around the hills and valley, bumping against mountains, turning over in the plains. It lingers, using all it's energy before it lays to rest, like a wind-up toy waiting to fully expire before dropping it's chin to it's chest. The storm here feels more raw and present, as many things do.

The only thing that feels the same is the illumination of landscape for a brief flash of light – the kind I remember laying in bed as child, watching the farm flash into view and then disappear back into darkness.

What feels the most different, though, is the knowledge that as I experience this storm within the safe confines of my concrete walls, not far from me people lay side by side on the dirt floors of their homes while the driving rain leaks through their tin-shad roofs. The lightning brightens the one room they all sleep in through the cracks between the bamboo or rice sack walls. This reality existed before I left the safe world I existed in before coming to Haiti and I rarely gave it a though. Now the truth is too close to ignore. God have mercy on me for ignoring the obvious plight of the poor for so long.