We Wanna Go Home

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

It is 9 PM. The bedroom we all sleep in is now dark and quiet. It's the same room we stayed in last summer during the month of June when we first visited Haiti. The past 17 ½ hours have not been a very pleasant reintroduction to our time at COTP and Kirk and I have looked at one another and actually wondered aloud, “what have we done!”

It seems days ago we walked out of the hanger in Ft. Pierce just in time to see the sun begin to tint the sky with hues of brilliant orange; our B-3 a silhouette in the foreground. Noah began to have stomach pain and nausea before stepping onto the plane. He could not be sure at first what seemed to be causing the trouble but later could understand it as anxiety as he said, “it's just feeling so real now!” After some struggle to regain control, he calmed and joined the pilots in the cockpit, listening in on his own headset from the jump-seat.

Unfortunately his recovery was replaced with Elijah's unprompted vomiting and motion sickness which continued for the rest of the day until bed.

Once again the drive from Cap Haitian airport filled my emotions with a mixture of all of Haiti's joy and pain. The beautiful dark mountains in the background and the busy street life of the town with the poverty of gaunt faces, bony ribs, and tattered clothes; unstable shacks with jagged tin roofs which people called homes – not quite as nice as the raggedy garden shed we left behind, and yet “home” for some family. Men push ox-carts full of water tanks, push wheel barrow with freshly butchered beef, push their way through crowded streets with almost full bike tires. Children sing and joke, stare and shout. Women carry infants or plastic market sacks, or heavy loads on their heads,swaying their hips as they stroll to or from the market in the morning sun. There is so much pride, beauty, and strength right along side brokenness, weariness, and hopelessness. Perhaps not so different from home...but I feel a world away.

There were no plans or expectations for us when we arrived. We were warmly greeted by friends, old and new. It was great to see those I've only connected with on Facebook, as well as friends we met last summer, and, of course, the VandeLune's.  I felt comfort in the familiarity of friends and the hope of fellowship.

The mid afternoon meal was served, but I had no appetite for it. We unpacked a bit and shortly after the babies nap time, we went to visit Natalie and Rose. They were in the field across the road from the main gate, sitting in the grass with the Nannies. Noah took up with Rose right away, making her giggle at his antics. I sat nearby watching and making eye contact, encouraging the play. Soon I spotted Natalie, and kneeled down and talked to her. She was a little shy but may have recognized me from the picture she has of me.

It is a strange feeling to see the child who is yours, who is not yet. The girls have little to no concept of who we are. Natalie has looked at our family picture book and can put the right names to the faces, but beyond that does not understand what it will mean for us to be her family. Perhaps we don't really understand yet, either. I now feel a deepening tug to bring them into the safety of our home. But I know that home in Haiti does not yet exist, so we need to have a place and space for the boys to feel safe before we move forward with the girls. We focus on this first: establishing home for the family that existed before moving to Haiti in order to create as safe place for Natalie and Rose to join us. A place to live is urgent. We will talk with the necessary people to make this plan a reality.

This evening was tough. Elijah was feeling sick from his previous motion sickness and wanted to be home, Noah was feeling anxious and homesick. The noise and centrality of the guesthouse was not feeling restful and Kirk and I felt we needed to make a move to something permanent ASAP if we wanted this reintroduction to Haiti to succeed for the boys, as well as us.

So that's the plan for tomorrow.  We've arrived but now we need to find home.

The Page Turns

It's hard to imagine all that has transpired in the last 24 hours.  Last night at this time I was sitting on the floor of my parents 3-season porch finishing the last of the re-packing, bleary eyed and numb.  I am now sitting at the end of the bed in a hotel in Tampa, while the 3 men in my life breathe the deep sighs of sleep.

Yesterday morning we finished cleaning the house after a late night of final moving and packing, ran last minute errands and good-byes in Willmar, began the re-packing to weed out items not completely necessary.  Kirk thought the Sure-Jell for my idea to potentially make jam at some date in the far off future, was pretty cool but just not practical insane.  Random items that had been tossed in the "Haiti" pile with a "this could be useful in Haiti" needed to be tamed, and the checked baggage cases needed to fit in just under the 50 lb limit per bag.  How I torture myself between thoughts of "what if I need this" and "I can do without it"!   The later the hour, the looser my grip on all the "important" things that seemed so useful hours before.

After a brief 5 hours of sleep we piled into a minivan with my Dad at the helm.  Most of us napped on the way, and after a tearful good-bye we checked our bags and awaited our first flight.  From MPLS to Midway in Chicago, then south to Tampa, and finally to our hotel by about 7:30 PM.  (Tomorrow we drive across the state to the East Coast. We'll stay two days and fly out early Tuesday morning, likely in Haiti by noon.)

After all the emotional good-byes and farewells to life in Prinsburg, the page has turned.  As if in our very own wrinkle in time, we are between the two lives.  Two days of limbo to do as little as possible besides swim, sleep, and share time with just us four before we take the first step into the next part of life.  It's not all so smooth... emotions are still high and it's far too easy to snip and snap over minor irritations, but we are trying hard to keep "kindness" up front and increase our patience with one another as we share in this time of transitional stress and anticipation for what's next.

If I am willing to take the time to notice, there are moments of satisfaction and joy even during the the hard moments. 

• The day began at 6:18 with a text message of biblical blessing from a dear friend.  As I began my day she was starting hers, covering me in the Word of God!   
• The familiar faces of my parents with their routine care took on special significance knowing the time is long before we're reunited.  Mom baking scones at 11 PM because I had wanted to try "that mix"; Dad getting up early when Noah couldn't sleep and unable to walk away until we were out of sight at the security check in.
• Giggling with the boys as an airline pilot took his break in the game room and expressed his disappointment with his performance at Battlestar Galactica with boyish groans and whining.
• Connecting with a woman on the flight to FL whose heart has known ache for her family's triumph's and crashes and yet sees rich tapestry from the diverse strands that make up her life.
• Watching my skirt ruffle in the warm Gulf air as the boys do ninja moves at a pool party for two.
• And now hearing my boys sleep a rest well-deserved, and praying my daughters sleep in peace as as our arrival draws near.

How good God is!  How rich is his love, care, and provision.  My heart is full knowing I am held as are those I love, now far from me.

 

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

Oh how the good-byes are getting real!  This past week they packed like ice flows in the arctic and broke loose one by one...
Between fits of packing and moving, there have been sleep-overs, and suppers, gatherings, and travel.

Thursday evening we had supper with dear friends from our former small group.  How we have lived through ups and downs with these souls!  We have watched them face life challenges that caused us to tremble and yet instead of crumbling, we witnessed their faith grow and blossom, and see how God uses unconventional ways like "beer and bible study" to draw hearts to him.  They have truly understood when we've walked through dark days and stood at the ready to encourage and understand.  Thank you Lord for "chance meetings" and kindred spirits!

We said our official good-byes at Willmar Christian Reformed Church this past Sunday. They sent us off with prayers, blessings, hugs, hand-shakes, and cash. How blessed we've been to have TWO church families! This family has welcomed us warmly, never letting us out the door without someone catching us, looking into our eyes and daring us not to feel loved. They have encouraged and liberated Kirk in his ministry with the youth, have accepted challenges for growth, and have been steadfast in building him up in his work. We will miss these dear people!

After church on Sunday morning we went to my Grandma Breems' for Sunday dinner.

No one can cook Sunday dinner like grandma!  What mystery there is in her ability to take simple ingredients and deftly create wonder!  How is it that even her green beans taste better than mine?  Or her roasted chicken, carefully cooked in the garage to prevent unpleasant odors and grease in her tidy kitchen?  Though her tired back is now painfully rounded, her eyes sparkle when she comes to the door and her jaw sets in satisfaction when the boys take a second helping of orange jello with mandarin oranges.


She carefully set aside envelopes with the correct amount for each grandchild's birthday in the year ahead, for us to take along and give at the right time.  And though we don't leave for a week, the tears came easily when it was time for us to leave.  "I love all my grand kids but you've been so near."  That's been one of the perks of living in this place, close to loved ones, close enough for my boys to know 3 Greats... good-byes with these godly matrons is hard.



Our church small group met for the last time in it's present form on Sunday night. Somehow this group has been the incubator for farewells with the Fishers and Pluimers, and now us, leaving. Joe and Wendy have stood like a lighthouse weathering storms of their own, and providing steadfast light and predictability for those who seek safe harbor in their friendship and home. Sometimes it's hard to be the ones who stay... Steve and Ang have trusted us enough to risk vulnerability and showering us with hospitality. This group has buoyed us through rough seas! They have prayed over us and our children and home, over our coming and going, over our hearts. Parting is sweet sorrow with these folks, knowing they will continue to be our intercessors before the Lord but missing face to face fellowship!




 Monday we took our final trip to the farm in Edgerton to say farewell to Kirk's folks and Grandma.










The kids drove around the hills and ditches for hours with hair blowing back in the sweet, grassy air, holding playful kittens, and eating hearty grandma-made meals 3 times a day, like farm boys.   They don't know it now, but their days of childhood on the farm are fleeting, so Mom watches with bittersweet joy knowing these moments are precious.  There were some tears and homesickness at bedtime one night as the reality of leaving the familiar sets in.  We assurred the boys that we are in this together and sadness for the losses is okay.  There is joy ahead and taking time for the sorrow is good.

 
 

 We parted with hugs, holding back tears, not knowing exactly when we'll be together again.  But we know they pray for us each and every day and we will remain close in heart.

 

 
Kirk's Grandma is 100 years old and lives at Edgebrook nursing home. She was wakened from her afternoon nap to say good-bye, and though she repeats the conversations we've already covered, she still remembers names and God, and lavishes love and smiles on us.  Each time we visit we know this goodbye might be the last on this earth, so we treasure her and days we have had.

And finally, last night we had a "back-yard-movie-night-party" for the boys, inviting neighborhood and schoolmates to stop in for a time of fun and farewell. 

The air was cool and still, a blue moon rose in the east, a million pinpoints of light twinkled overhead, warm popcorn greased 30 little pairs of hands, and the sound of children's laughter drifted through the houses and trees of Prinsburg.  It was completely idyllic and my heart was content.  Tea and friendship at the kitchen table winded down, school boys wandered away without committing to good-byes, and a good night was done.

Tomorrow morning we have a "Commissioning" service at Unity where our church family will bless us and send us off,  we travel for a few more days of family goodbyes, a "son" comes for a personal goodbye, and a community farewell is planned for Wednesday evening.  Then just a few hard personal good-byes with parents and close friends and we leave for new adventure, a union with our sweet girls, and whatever else God allows.

Despite all the difficult farewells that are turning the page on this chapter of life, I am at peace.  That's not to say I don't have any anxiety or stress right now, but there is a calm space deep within, knowing with certainty, that I am held, connecting with God's great plan, and feeling safe in his care.

Thank you to all who continue to pray - we feel your covering of prayer, for all the kind words of encouragement - we feel lifted in spirit, and for all the gestures of friendship and fellowship -- we feel so blessed.


Added note: Our fundraising for the year is now at $46,000!  Praise God - He is good!

The Times They Are A'Chang'in

August 1986, Michele Verkaik and I lay on our backs beneath a bright black sky punctuated with momentary trails of light.  The season was changing in my 14 year old life and the meteors marked a line in my days for my childhood friendships, life and home.  Home, where I had roamed green hills, scanning the grass for wild strawberries in the spring, climbed to the top of our favorite tree, familiar with each branch, and snatched up fat frogs from the creek to store in buckets on the back porch.  Home, where I had schooled on the bank of the Holland Marsh canal, skated during winter recess, got "soakers" in the brittle-iced marshy spring fields, and sang on the swings "do Lord, oh do Lord, oh do remember me, way beyond the blue!" as our toes touched the sky.  Home, where I had made childhood friends with whom I passed notes and skipped rope, and had sleepovers, like that last magical August night under a shooting-star-streaked sky.
 
I didn't know then, but each summer, when the evening air begins to cool and the Perseid's meteor shower appears in the night sky,  I have an internal reminder of transition.  I sometimes feel wistful thinking of those days I can't return to.  I think it was the first time I became aware of the significance of change, and maybe the start of my difficulty transitioning from one season of my life to another.  I was too young and myopic to imagine the good that could come of moving from my friends and familiarity to a new place, and not at all aware of how God could be working for my good and His plan by moving me.  But since that time I have experienced many such changes that I can now see were truly of God's doing.  Even so, change is hard!

"Summer is heavy with her fullness and ready to relinquish her grip to Autumn; likewise, I am again at the threshold of transition, and there is melancholy in the passing of another life season."

 Like the 14 year old girl who mourned all that was familiar and comfortable I still sorrow in the passing of the life I have had --  that's where I've been this week.  As we pack up remaining boxes and say final goodbyes,  I feel sadness for what is ending.  I am once again saying good-bye to "home".  I will never again have the luxury of this life, so close to my parents, so much freedom for my children in their idyllic neighborhood, and a season of ease with culture and comfort.  I may have a life somewhat like it, but never again this life, and never again this home.  So I allow myself space for grief and good-bye for today.  It's been a life worthy of grieving!

Like 14 year old me, I don't know exactly what's ahead.  The next bend in the road still holds many unknowns and like other life transitions I've been through I know there are going to be some bumps.  I know our bio kids are going to need some time to adjust to a life change they did not choose, a culture that is unfamiliar, and a language that is strange to them.  I know our adopted kids are going to have some struggles in adapting to their new home with us, especially as they learn to trust, perhaps for the first time, not to mention their adaptation to food, language, family life, etc.  And Kirk and I will each been learning language and jobs and culture right along side our kids.  I am not naive about the challenges ahead, even though there are likely areas of challenge I don't even know about yet!

I've had to remind myself this week when I've felt sad, that it's ok to take time for sorrow, but not to forget about the great things ahead!  The 14 year old me didn't have the life experience to comprehend that God knew that changes would be hard, but there was richness, too.  He brought me to a community of faith, gave me days with grandparents and great-grandma's I might not have known.  He allowed music to grow up into my life with Youth For Christ, a direction for college, and service, and a spouse, and adventure, and so much more!  God had good things in store for me as a teen moving from familiar to unfamiliar and has good things in store for me and my family again.  And not only for me, but for those he will surround me with as well -- people to be a blessing to and receive a blessing from. He has called me with purpose for a new season.

So, today I mourn what is passing and look forward with hope and expectation for what is to come.  Like the Psalmist I declare that God is my home, and my dwelling in him is secure even as the life around me today, is not.

Updates:

1.  We have an interested buyer for our home and will hopefully have a plan for closing soon!
2.  Our adoptions are moving ahead smoothly and our girls are doing well right now.  I have a not so secret hope that the adoptions will be finalized by Christmas.  What a gift that would be!
3.  Fundraising is going really great and (da-da-da-dah!) we have hit the $45,000 mark!  Whoo-hoo!  God is so good.  Only $5,000 left for the first year's fundraising to be complete!
4.  Despite the sadness about leaving friends behind, the boys are doing really well and have been good helpers with the many tasks of moving.  I marveled tonight at the boy's bed time thinking back to some very difficult days last year at this time.  God is our healer.
5.  My niece was baptized last night.  Yeah, that's pretty random but I just had to throw that in there because I am so proud that she has professed her faith in Jesus and done so, publicly.  Lily is a treasure and I'm so glad to also call her "sister" in Christ.

Prayers Requests:
1.  Peace in our home and over our family as the move date nears and emotions run high!
2.  Prayer that God will make a smooth path through the remaining "details" to finish up before moving (health insurance, selling house and car, medications, licensure, etc.)
3.  Asking God to prepare a "home" for us at Children of the Promise.  A literal space for us to live that will help our kids transition well, a place for establishing school and household routines, and a stable place to begin transitioning the girls into our family.
4.  Oh, and for health. Noah has been battling an ear infection for over a month and I have a stink'in cold.  Boo. (I don't have time for diminished energy and mood!)  So prayers for health!

Thank you friends!  

Blessings Bonanza!

Exciting things have happened in the past couple of weeks.  I've felt too disorganized and scattered to have a coherent thought to write, but, praise God, progress is being made and I have a few moments to breathe once again. 

In the past two weeks I finished my work at Lutheran Social Service, spoke at area churches with Kirk, completed our packing for Haiti, attended the funeral for the father of a dear friend, left on a family vacation with the Vander Pol clan to St. Louis, stopped on our way home from St. Louis to load the shipping container in Orange City, hung out with the Vande Lune's for the afternoon, picked up my brother's kids in Sioux Center to bring to Prinsburg (whom we have not seen in a year while they were in England), and returned home.  Whew!  We now need to focus on finishing packing for storage and selling the house!  We hope to buy plane tickets this week and then have a final date for departure!

Fund-raising efforts are going well.  Currently we are at about $35,000 of the $50,000 we need!  Praise God for his provision!  It remains scary and exciting to trust Him in delivering just what we need at just the right time...

In all the busyness there have been so many blessings!  I'd like to recount just a few because I really am so grateful even though the blessings are whizzing by in the chaos of our day to day.

Friends and strangers alike continue to offer words of encouragement and offers for prayer when they ask about our on-going plans.  We've also had offers for meals and childcare, and "how can I help".  It remains an encouragement to experience the love of Christ in such a tangible way!

Our small group got together two week ago and surprised us with a HUGE tote of favorite foods and snacks to send on the shipping container!  There were a few tears as the realization sets in that we are actually moving on, and leaving behind really great friends and supports.  I also am aware of how hard it is to be losing friends over and over again, especially for those who remain anchors in our church family -- people who continue to risk friendship with those who end up being called elsewhere.  It's not an easy thing to be the one who always stays and remains the stable force.  We are really grateful for these kinds of friends and what they have put into our lives.  They have been, and are such a blessing to us, and we'll really miss our times of laughter, tears, and prayer.

My mom has begun to voice how hard it is going to be for us to leave.  We've been neighbors for a number of years now and the comfort of availability is about to disappear.  They boys have popped in for tea (or milk or eggs or pancake syrup or whatever we're out of), climbed their trees, and dug trenches in thier yard for years, so she's going to miss us, and we're going to miss her and my dad, tremendously.  So we drowned our sorrows in some therapeutic shopping with mom footing the bill.  Hey, I'm a therapist -- I charge by the hour.  Ha Ha Ha!  : )  I'm making it out to be a little more exciting that it was since it was basically $300 worth of toiletries, bug spray, and "last minute" items to get on the shipping container, but it was really a gift to be able to stock up on things ahead of time and get them sent in the container instead of sent a more expensive way.

Another blessing was my Aunt Jewel's willingness to re-cover some couch cushions.  We didn't send the couch because it was too worn, but I thought the cushions could still be useful so I enlisted her help in redoing them.  She jumped right in offering up her upholstery fabric and batting and did it all without charging me a dime.  Two days and many hours later I have beautiful new cushions with some extra pillows to make a couch with when we get to Haiti.  She does beautiful work and has a generous heart.

Friends gave us a moving kit they bought and ended up not using.  I think of them EVERY time I assemble a new box.  How helpful it has been to have uniform size boxes!

Another friend not only offered me her farm produce but picked and delivered it when I was too swamped with out jobs!
Then there are the donations that have been rolling in!  We've had someone come up to Kirk saying he could only give $20/month and "since it's not very much and he's on a fixed income, would that be enough to bother giving?"  Yes!  That is extremely generous!!!  Humbled!!!  There have been family members who have written checks with meaningful words of encouragement and church and community members who have jumped in with support.  To God be the Glory!  We've also had a couple of businesses commit to on-going support because they chose to give charitably from their business profits and like what they see happening with us at Children of the Promise.  We're really grateful for all of these.  We know in each case, the dollars really belong to the Lord and the gifts are given out of obedience to God's management of resources.  We are really thankful to be witnessing up close how his resources bless and move others.  It's a gift to be seeing it so personally!

Two weeks ago when we were gathering final items for the container, I came up with a short list of things that would be nice to pack.  Not needs, but wants.  Someone encouraged me just to put the items out there on facebook so others could know how to help, so I did.  One of my small group friends responded almost immediately to give me her mixer and brought it right over.  She later offered to buy me a brand new one, as did others, but I just wanted a mixer - new was not necessary!  Someone I have only recently met on fb due to our common adoption experience offered to send me a new set of Corelle to go with my older set.  She ordered them and sent them that same day and I was able to include them in the packing!  New 2 You also made donations of silverware and dishes -- all things to make our time in Haiti more comfortable.  How amazing to be blessed and cared for by the family of God!

I really hope I am not forgetting anyone because I have been so thankful for the many ways God is using others to make this Haiti time happen.

Wait!  I am forgetting someone(s)!!!  Evan TeBrake has spent weeks organizing donations from the Willmar area to be shipped on the container, and no small fish, either!  He made the contacts and arrangements and picked up a load of plywood, a Bobcat, and more!  He's just going into 11th grade, but has the heart and work ethic of a grown man.  Then to top it off, he and Nick Daugherty picked up our packed boxes while we were on vacation, drove them to Orange City, helped stage and then load the container.  Those are some amazing boys, and I've been so blessed by them. 

BTW young ladies, just a heads up: these are the kind of young men you should be watching for marriage partners.  I cannot speak to thier popularity or sports prowess but I can say they are the kind of dependable, hard working, smart, funny, God-seeking fellows you'd be lucky to snag some day.  You've got a few years before their through school and ready for the marriage scene, but don't say I didn't tell you so if you let them get away!!!

I'm getting a little better at asking for things that can bless my family as we seek to serve the Lord in Haiti, so I was hoping I could ask for prayer for a few things are we come into the final month of preparations.

• Pray that we will remain in good physical and mental health as we prepare for the move.
• Pray that our house sells to the person/people God wishes to bless in this home.
• Pray that God will be preparing new friends for us and especially for our boys, in Haiti.
• Pray that God will plan excitement in the hearts of our boys, despite their sadness at leaving familiar friends, family, and surroundings.
• Pray for our daughters as we'll soon be a family and for that transition to go as smoothly as possible.
• Pray for our family and friends as they adjust to our newly defined relationships, as well.

Thanks to each of you who read this and support my family emotionally and spiritually!  I'm so blessed.



Elijah by the shipping co



The kids entertaining themselves with chairs waiting to be loaded.

Packing the container.

The work crew: Kirk, Evan, Nick, Robb, and Robb's Dad.

... And Thank You for Your Support.

A number of people have asked about our fund-raising efforts.  We have recently begun speaking in our area churches and are going to send out support letters to friends and family soon.  We sincerely hope no one feels pressured or obligated to give, and we certainly don't want to bother or burden others, but we do want to offer you the opportunity to join in this great God thing that is happening in our lives.

As I have mentioned before, asking for money is not something I enjoy doing, but it is another area in which God is stretching me to have faith in his provisions and stop relying on my own plans for success.  I think of it as a "painful blessing" -- there is pain in the stretch of growth, but the blessing is becoming closer to the Lord.  It's the intimacy with God that allows me to feel certain amidst uncertainty.

I've noticed a parallel between what I have learned about attachment and how I grow in my relationship with God. A simplified definition of a healthy child is one who is best bonded to their caregiver.  The caregiver provides the grounding for this healthy relationship through their stable, consistent, loving presence.  The child comes into the relationship helpless and dependant on the parent's care and slowly learns to respond and interact, based on the caregiver's capacity (and other factors such as environment, experience, temperament, etc.)  Parents are imperfect and kids are sometimes difficult.  Sometimes situations are muddled and things get in the way of healthy attachment.  But with God, he is always stable, loving, good, and just.  The more I respond to his direction and discipline, the healthier and happier I am.  When I kick and scream and rebel, God doesn't misbehave in return; he waits and guides me to return to the path of intimacy with him.

So this asking for support thing is yet another example of how he is nudging me to grow in relationship and intimacy with him.  Do I really trust him to "pay up" and take care of everything material I need along the way?  Even the plane tickets and health insurance needed before we can move forward?  Of course I know the Bible passage that tells me not to worry about what I will eat or drink or wear, and how he cares for sparrow and me,  but living that knowledge is challenging.  I get caught up in all the needs and wants and things I think I need to do to be happy and secure.  How easily I forget that my happiness is directly linked to my secure attachment to my heavenly father... perhaps you sometimes feel the same.

That being said, I am excited for the journey the Lord is taking my family, and how he is giving me all I need along the way.

Some of what the support letter says will be review, but I do ask you take a minute to think about if our ministry in Haiti is something God is stirring you to be a part of.  If so, would you like to pray for us or support us financially?  We need both.  We can't do it on our own because it's about relationship.  We would love to share this God-journey with you!

__________________________________________________________

           

 MAY 2012

Greetings dear friends and family,

As you read this letter, lists are being made, “FOR SALE” is on the lawn, and boxes are in the garage in anticipation of a big life change! We’re moving to Haiti and we are asking you to partner with us as we respond to God’s leading into a new chapter of our lives!

Why Haiti, and Why Now?

Missions and outreach have always been an important theme in our lives – even before we married we agreed that overseas work was part of our calling as a family, but we didn't know when.  Last June Kirk organized a trip to serve at Children of the Promise in Haiti.   What began as a plan for one mixed age 10-day trip, turned into three 10-day trips, back-to-back, with Christina and the boys going along and staying for the duration, as Kirk led each incoming group. The interest and support of this endeavor was over-whelming and our teams were able to be a blessing to those going, those receiving our care, and to the home community upon hearing of God’s great work in hearts and minds.

God was also beginning a work in our hearts and minds.  Not long after returning home we felt drawn to adopt two beautiful children from COTP.  How this came to be and the surprises along the way is a story unto itself (read the full story at www.theprovokedlife.blogspot.com), but suffice it to say, it was one of the steps in the path God was using to draw us to Haiti. We remain in the process of completing these adoptions, but will be able to have the girls as part of our family once we move to Haiti, much sooner than would be possible if we remained stateside.

In the months that followed the trip, first Kirk, and then Christina began to have a sense God was calling us to something more.  We began to have conversations with the directors of COTP who informed us of their desire to have our set of gifts at work for COTP.   While COTP had become excellent at providing physical healing for very needy infants, leadership was beginning to understand more of the emotional, social, and psychological needs of the babies in their care.  This knowledge led to a decision to develop a new standard for orphan care in Haiti.

Presently, while in process of change, infants at COTP are housed in one main baby house with individual rooms and caregivers for each age group.  While this model allows for streamlined care and has generally provided well for physical needs, flaws in emotional care have been revealed.  COTP has been eager to remedy this in order to provide the best care possible to these little ones; care that even better reflects the relational nature in which our Creator has so fashioned us.  Our relational nature requires consistent care by predictable caregivers where emotional and social needs are most likely to be attended to, and healthy attachment is made possible.  This is better care for both those babies returning to their families of origin, as well as babies being adopted.  The new model will allow for individual baby houses of mixed ages, with care provided by a stable team of house parents and nannies. 

Work has already begun in the construction of these new homes, however additional leadership will be needed in developing the policies and procedures surrounding mental health and the new model of care.  Guidance for caregivers in how to best optimize healthy attachment with these precious little ones, teaching the importance of self-care for providers, and helping to trouble shoot where adaptive behaviors indicate difficulties with attachment, will also be addressed.

Besides the mental health piece, on-going construction and supervision of new staff coming to parent in the baby homes, are areas that require oversight. 

So here's where we come in!  Our pairing of gifts and talents seems to be a great fit for the needs that exist at COTP right now!  Christina has her Master's in Counseling Psychology and for the past couple of years, has begun training and practice in the field of Infant Mental Health.  She has access to wonderful resources and people who are willing to consult along the way as an infant mental health program is built from the ground up.

Kirk has experience in numerous areas that will be helpful including administration, staff oversight, and construction management. The changes under way at COTP will involve building and remodeling structures gradually over the next three years to accommodate new staff and programs, and Kirk's skills in planning and implementing these projects will be a tremendous asset.
The current staff are tireless, dedicated workers, but are stretched to their limits managing the current programs, so for COTP to make these wonderful improvements, additional staff are needed.
So to answer the question “Why Haiti?  Why Now?”  Haiti has begun to take root in us during the past year, and we are at the exact point in our lives where our skills and experiences meet the needs for service there.  But above all, God has planted a passion for Haiti in our hearts, and it is growing into the mature plant he is nurturing it to be!  We respond now, because we believe we are being called now.

What is it going to take to make this happen?

We hope to move the end of August (2012).  We are committing to a two year term in order to provide consistency during the transition to a new standard of care; however we may be willing and able to serve for a longer time period.
  
We have numerous needs for which we are seeking support from our community.  It has been a tremendous blessing to have words of encouragement and promises of prayer.  These things will boost our morale during tough days and seasons, and will be our lifeline to the Father, as you petition on our behalf.  We deeply desire your partnership in this way to sustain us.

To cover our financial needs we are seeking donations to cover our expenses. We estimate that it will cost approximately $50,000 per year for our family of 6. This includes food, lodging, health insurance, travel, and schooling.  (We would be happy to provide our financial statement upon request.)

We are hoping for various levels of support--one time donations, annual gifts, and monthly support.  50 households supporting us at $84 per month would cover all our expenses, but there are lots of ways this can happen and we’re waiting on God to see how He works all that out.

If helping to fund our service at Children of the Promise is something you are led to do, donations can be made directly to COTP, and are tax deductible.  As with most charitable giving, our names should not appear anywhere on the check-simply write a note or post-it indicating how you request your gift be used.  In this tech-savvy era, we plan to have our fund-raising progress updated on-line to keep our supporters informed of our fund raising progress.  If this interests you, be sure to give us your e-mail address, so we can provide you with a link to our financial information.

We are humbled and filled with joy to be on this faith journey and are grateful to God for allowing us to share this experience with his people both here and in Haiti.  Thanks for taking the time to hear how God is leading us!

Most Sincerely, 

The Vander Pol's
__________________________________________________________________
Donation for our fund-raising can be sent to:

Children of the Promise                    OR                             via on-line donation @ www.childrenofthepromise.org

P.O. Box 123

Prinsburg, MN 56281

Please indicate on the letter or with a post-it note on your check who you are designating the gift for.  If you would prefer to receive a donation letter and response card by mail for on-going support,  please contact us directly at:

The Vander Pol's                        OR                          via e-mail @ kirkvanderpol@gmail.com

501 Minnesota Ave.

Prinsburg, MN 56281

Pass the Salt, Please

This past Sunday was our first "fund-raising Sunday".  We had the opportunity to share about our plans and how we believe God is leading us to Haiti, at Willmar Christian Reformed Church where Kirk is employed as Youth Pastor.  (Technically he is employed by both Willmar CRC and Unity CRC in Prinsburg, but the youth facility is in Willmar.)  I was able to share with the church how sometimes when we keep ourselves comfortably rooted in one place, believing we are "doing our part" or being self-satisfied with our own religiosity, God may nudge us to grow, as he has with me. 

Oh how I have loved my convenient life here in rural MN, in the heartland of the wealthiest nation on earth -- a magical world where grocery lines are short, roads are smooth and wide as I ride in my choice of two vehicles, my house has cushioned floors, my clothes bear the scent of spring rain, and the temperature of my home is effortlessly controlled for comfort.  I live in a neighborhood where young children roam freely without fear and their greatest sadness is bidding farewell to a lumpy pet toad.  Women pin clothes under clear skies by 7 AM and the aroma of fresh-baked goodness wafts from sparkling windows.  The music of birdsong is like that of a forest preserve and a rumble of thunder is the only noise to break night's silent blanket of peace. 

"Women pin clothes under clear skies by 7 AM and the aroma of fresh-baked goodness wafts from sparkling windows. The music of birdsong is like that of a forest preserve and a rumble of thunder is the only noise to break night's silent blanket of peace."

This too-good-to-be-true image, is in fact, part of my actual life.  Of course, I occasionally get an inept cashier, I have to vacuum my comfortable carpets,  my vehicles' total worth is around  $4,000 and not entirely reliable, and sun-bleached laundry sometimes gets pooped on, but the reality is, my life is cushy!  Even with the deep challenges I have faced within our family unit during the last year, I practically live in nirvana!  Oh there are people with needs not too far from the outskirts of my peaceful kingdom, but it takes effort to mingle with those outsiders.  My day to day is filled with maintaining my castle and grounds, and rubbing shoulders with the local aristocracy.  It's all very convenient.

I have noticed that like schools of fish, we, and I mean, "we Christians", tend to stay in safe groups with notions of "protecting our children" (and maybe ourselves) from the dangers of worldly influences, and we keep the messiness of the outside at arm's length. In our comfortable homes with tidy yards we remain safely numb to real need. 

Now let me be clear that I love my community and the people of it -- so many are good, honest, loving, giving people.  I have personally been the recipient of grace, generosity, and earnest prayer from these folks, and have grown in faith and maturity while experiencing fellowship with many of these people.

Kirk has challenged me with this: how do I act as the salt and light Jesus talks about in Matthew 5 when I'm so close to all this other great seasoning?  Isn't it kind of selfish of me to enjoy all this flavoring to myself and not use it as Jesus talks about when he said we're "to be the salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth"?  How does where I live and who I rub shoulders with affect my ability to bring the "God-flavors" to those who haven't yet experienced Him?  Am I running the risk of losing my saltiness and being worthy of nothing more than the garbage?

So this is how I started to feel stretched, how I began to feel my roots crowding, and how I started to attend to God's patient beckoning and the hunger he was growing inside of me. With all these thoughts as the background for our decision to move, I tried to hand my pride over to the Lord (again) and told the church we needed their financial partnership to make this thing happen, and asked for prayer. 

Following the church service there was a potluck dinner.  While Kirk and I were sitting talking with our table mates, this guy walks up to Kirk and said, "hey, if we want to give something to your Haiti thing, how do we do it?  Can I just give it to you?"  I had never seen the man before.  Kirk told him we would get the money to the right place and accepted a small bundle of bills.  He asked if the man wanted a tax donation receipt, but he said, "no", and wished us God's blessings on our plans.  I said thanks, asked the man his name, and, I'm embarrassed to say, promptly forgot nearly as soon as he away.  I assumed it was a little wad of 1's, and in my heart said a quick thanks -- thanks for how this small gift was again confirmation of God's blessing over our endeavor. 

Later that afternoon, I overheard Kirk saying something to the boys about a cool thing happening today - that a man had come up to him after church and given $140.00  How cool is that? Not just a little bundle of 1's but a bundle of 20's -- $140.00! 

Once again, God teaches me not to underestimate his ability and desire to provide for all I need and more.  Success is not dependant on me and all that I have to offer.  It is all about him and what he has to offer.  He takes joy in inviting me to be a part of his amazing plan and gives joy when I participate in it.  He allowed a "stranger" in on it to bless us beyond the dollars, and will use me, too for building his kingdom, encouraging his people, and being the God-flavoring in places that need to taste godliness. 

How might God be asking you to express your salt-seasoning and light?  It might involve some stretching... and some joy.

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Matthew 5:13-16

The Message (MSG)

Salt and Light

¹³"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage. ^14-16"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."