I work in the field of counseling and in recent years have begun some training and work in infant mental health. So while in Haiti, the field directors, Nick and Nicki, ask if I'd be willing to help assess a couple of kids they have concerns about. One of them is a little girl who is not behaving like some of the other children. While most of the toddlers run up to greet guests and beg to be held and attended to, she holds back by her favored Nannie. She is slow to warm to new folks and doesn't like to go off with just anyone. So I spent a few hours with her watching her play and interactions, and I continue to watch her and get to know her during the time we're there. And now I'm home. And I'm thinking about her. I'm thinking about Natalie and missing her. So I casually mention to Kirk, "I can't seem to get Natalie out of my mind. I wonder if we should try to adopt her?" And his respond is equally casual, "sure". Sure? That's it? We agree to think about it, and over the next couple of days we do, and we talk about it, and "sure" kinda seems to be sticking.
Now I should say, "sure" does have a little history behind it. From the time we were married, Kirk had always wanted to adopt, and, in fact, questioned whether or not we should birth children naturally at all. He pointed to the great need of orphans around the world and God's direct call in the Bible to care for them. I balked at this idea initially. "I have a womb and I want to use it!!! But we agreed that we would likely have a couple of children naturally and then see if we wanted to add more to our family through adoption. Pretty sure God was on Kirk's side with this one, because pregnancy sucked, for me. Both times. Nine months of puking and misery was enough to convince me I didn't need to go through that again! I'd experienced it. Done the "womb" thing, twice, and felt no need to return. Besides, two kids were so manageable. One of them for each of us and no extras to out-number us. Simple. So 5 years passed after having Elijah, and I felt pretty content with our family size. Except for every once in awhile, when I would see larger families that seemed attractive to me. Having a big family around for holidays and as I grew older, having a house full of noisy happy children ... having a daughter to be close to. Was I missing something... was there more I could offer to a child to have a home to grow up in?
So the 4th of July week-end, Kirk and I were sitting in the family room. I can still see the whole picture in my mind. I was at the computer, he was sitting in an arm chair, and we decided we would contact Robin Knight, the adoption coordinator for COTP, and at least talk about it with her -- maybe some time next week.
Kirk received a text. It was his life-long buddy, Mitch, asking,
"Do you guys know of a place in Haiti called Children of the Promise, started by Bud and Jan Bonnema from Prinsburg".
"Yeah", Kirk responded. "Funny thing, we just got back from spending a month there a few days ago."
Mitch texts, "hey cool, then maybe you might know something about this baby. Kara found her on a website and is completely in love. Think we might pursue adopting her. In fact, Kara has already contacted Robin to inquire about her."
Kirk says, "oh yeah, who?"
Mitch: "Natalie".
Gulp.
Kirk: "We need to talk. I'm calling you now."
Right there the conversation got a little awkward. What were the chances of this happening? Life long friends, both interested in adoption, both come upon a child. This child. Natalie. Kirk asked me to get on the phone, too, and told Mitch we were thinking of pursuing her adoption, as well. Kirk and I looked at each other. A few moments ago, she was really just a thought, and suddenly that thought has become the thought of losing her, and caring, and not wanting to lose her. The conversation was a little strange and rather short. Kirk and Mitch agreed that we should both pray about this and talk again in a few days.
Those few days were long. We did talk to Robin and told her what was going on. So many thoughts and questions went through my mind. I wanted her, but what was best for Natalie? Maybe they could be a better family for her? Maybe they could provide better for her? Was I really ready to jump into adoption? But in my heart I was already feeling she was mine, and I didn't want to lose her.
We decided to tell Mitch and Kara we really did want to pursue her adoption, but that if they did, too, we wouldn't stop them. We believed either of us would be a good family for her, and what was most important was that this precious little girl had a home of her own with parents and siblings to wrap her in love.
And then Mitch and Kara told us they wanted us to go forward with trying to adopt her. They had an experience previously that persuaded them that they never wanted to be the ones "taking" an adoption from someone else, and were graciously backing down.
What had been almost a passing thought, became a casual plan, became a fire burning. We were pursuing her. We wanted her. She was ours.
So just a few added notes to this part of the story: Once we decided to adopt Natalie, Kirk thought we should go ahead and adopt two at the same time. If our family was to be part Haitian, then having two Haitian children would be good for them and good for us. So we added a second request, and months later learned we were being matched with Rose (Guerda). Awesome thing was, she was Noah's favorite baby while we were at COTP. God was setting all this up before it was even a thought on our part.
And, while Mitch and Kara didn't pursue Natalie's adoption, they are now in process of adoptiong two other beautiful kids from COTP, so God used our connection to bring two more precious little ones into forever families. Marvelous!
Here is Kara's blog post about the experience from their side...
http://thisblessedlife-km.blogspot.com/2011_07_01_archive.html
And here are pics of our beautiful girls!
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| Me with Natalie at COTP. |
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| Rose (1) |
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| Natalie (3) |
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