The Times They Are A'Chang'in

August 1986, Michele Verkaik and I lay on our backs beneath a bright black sky punctuated with momentary trails of light.  The season was changing in my 14 year old life and the meteors marked a line in my days for my childhood friendships, life and home.  Home, where I had roamed green hills, scanning the grass for wild strawberries in the spring, climbed to the top of our favorite tree, familiar with each branch, and snatched up fat frogs from the creek to store in buckets on the back porch.  Home, where I had schooled on the bank of the Holland Marsh canal, skated during winter recess, got "soakers" in the brittle-iced marshy spring fields, and sang on the swings "do Lord, oh do Lord, oh do remember me, way beyond the blue!" as our toes touched the sky.  Home, where I had made childhood friends with whom I passed notes and skipped rope, and had sleepovers, like that last magical August night under a shooting-star-streaked sky.
 
I didn't know then, but each summer, when the evening air begins to cool and the Perseid's meteor shower appears in the night sky,  I have an internal reminder of transition.  I sometimes feel wistful thinking of those days I can't return to.  I think it was the first time I became aware of the significance of change, and maybe the start of my difficulty transitioning from one season of my life to another.  I was too young and myopic to imagine the good that could come of moving from my friends and familiarity to a new place, and not at all aware of how God could be working for my good and His plan by moving me.  But since that time I have experienced many such changes that I can now see were truly of God's doing.  Even so, change is hard!

"Summer is heavy with her fullness and ready to relinquish her grip to Autumn; likewise, I am again at the threshold of transition, and there is melancholy in the passing of another life season."

 Like the 14 year old girl who mourned all that was familiar and comfortable I still sorrow in the passing of the life I have had --  that's where I've been this week.  As we pack up remaining boxes and say final goodbyes,  I feel sadness for what is ending.  I am once again saying good-bye to "home".  I will never again have the luxury of this life, so close to my parents, so much freedom for my children in their idyllic neighborhood, and a season of ease with culture and comfort.  I may have a life somewhat like it, but never again this life, and never again this home.  So I allow myself space for grief and good-bye for today.  It's been a life worthy of grieving!

Like 14 year old me, I don't know exactly what's ahead.  The next bend in the road still holds many unknowns and like other life transitions I've been through I know there are going to be some bumps.  I know our bio kids are going to need some time to adjust to a life change they did not choose, a culture that is unfamiliar, and a language that is strange to them.  I know our adopted kids are going to have some struggles in adapting to their new home with us, especially as they learn to trust, perhaps for the first time, not to mention their adaptation to food, language, family life, etc.  And Kirk and I will each been learning language and jobs and culture right along side our kids.  I am not naive about the challenges ahead, even though there are likely areas of challenge I don't even know about yet!

I've had to remind myself this week when I've felt sad, that it's ok to take time for sorrow, but not to forget about the great things ahead!  The 14 year old me didn't have the life experience to comprehend that God knew that changes would be hard, but there was richness, too.  He brought me to a community of faith, gave me days with grandparents and great-grandma's I might not have known.  He allowed music to grow up into my life with Youth For Christ, a direction for college, and service, and a spouse, and adventure, and so much more!  God had good things in store for me as a teen moving from familiar to unfamiliar and has good things in store for me and my family again.  And not only for me, but for those he will surround me with as well -- people to be a blessing to and receive a blessing from. He has called me with purpose for a new season.

So, today I mourn what is passing and look forward with hope and expectation for what is to come.  Like the Psalmist I declare that God is my home, and my dwelling in him is secure even as the life around me today, is not.

Updates:

1.  We have an interested buyer for our home and will hopefully have a plan for closing soon!
2.  Our adoptions are moving ahead smoothly and our girls are doing well right now.  I have a not so secret hope that the adoptions will be finalized by Christmas.  What a gift that would be!
3.  Fundraising is going really great and (da-da-da-dah!) we have hit the $45,000 mark!  Whoo-hoo!  God is so good.  Only $5,000 left for the first year's fundraising to be complete!
4.  Despite the sadness about leaving friends behind, the boys are doing really well and have been good helpers with the many tasks of moving.  I marveled tonight at the boy's bed time thinking back to some very difficult days last year at this time.  God is our healer.
5.  My niece was baptized last night.  Yeah, that's pretty random but I just had to throw that in there because I am so proud that she has professed her faith in Jesus and done so, publicly.  Lily is a treasure and I'm so glad to also call her "sister" in Christ.

Prayers Requests:
1.  Peace in our home and over our family as the move date nears and emotions run high!
2.  Prayer that God will make a smooth path through the remaining "details" to finish up before moving (health insurance, selling house and car, medications, licensure, etc.)
3.  Asking God to prepare a "home" for us at Children of the Promise.  A literal space for us to live that will help our kids transition well, a place for establishing school and household routines, and a stable place to begin transitioning the girls into our family.
4.  Oh, and for health. Noah has been battling an ear infection for over a month and I have a stink'in cold.  Boo. (I don't have time for diminished energy and mood!)  So prayers for health!

Thank you friends!